Metal Baby Gun-schythe 5: The Zombie Pain
by raf9900
Summary: Metal gear, Beelzebub and RWBY crossover idea I got from a random post on 9gag. The three protagonists from these universes are thrown into a sudden zombie apocalypse and must find out the circumstances that led them to that. Rated T for light zombie gore. Please review it!
1. Chapter 1: Zombie? It can't be

Metal Baby Gun-Scythe 5: The Zombie Pain

WARNING: If you think this name is too silly even for a fan fiction, please turn back and go away. You have been warned.

WARNING: Contains light spoilers of RWBY season 2, Metal Gear solid V and Beelzebub seasons 1-2. Read with caution.

 **Chapter 1: Zombie? It can't be...**

Starring:

Punished "Venon" Snake

Ruby "Craterface" Rose

Tatsumi"Furious Ogre" Oga

Kaiser de Emperana "Baby Beel" Beelzebub the IVth

Guest starring:

Revolver "Shalashaska" Ocelot

Benedict "Kazuhira" Miller

Vamp

Soviet Afghanistan occupation forces

Zombies

Zwei

White Fang goons

Hildegarde "Hilda"

Alaindelon

Takayuki Furuichi

Featured Mecha: Sahelanthropus, generic metal gears.

Location: Diamond Dogs Off-shore base, Seychelles.

December 8th, 1986 – 6.00 AM.

The sun had just begun to shower the now tranquil seas of the Seychelles in its golden light, but the enticing screech from coordinated gunfire could already be heard through the Diamond Dogs' mother base. A common civilian would find the bright metal in every gallery, floor and wall excessively unconfortable for a home, but not these men. Tested in the raging fires of war from all around the world and having given their whole lives and then some to the craft of killing, they were the absolute finest in the world at their mercenary job. And how could they be any less than that? They were lead by the legend among legends, after all. The Big Boss.

"Boss," Ocelot called for him, his eyes still focused on the shooting training taking place in front of the two men. He wore a brown shirt, dark pants and a red scarf. On his arm, the Diamond Dog's emblem was proudly displayed. "They're not as good as the old unit yet, but you have to admit they are getting better."

Snake simply grunted in response. The legend wore a tiger stripe camouflage, the one he used most often, black leather boots and a glove on his remaining hand. He approached the soldier that had been doing the worst shooting, and delievered a swift punch in the face.

"Thank you for that, Boss!" He gleefully answered. "I'll improve my aim."

Satisfyed with the answer, Big Boss turned his back to the shooting training and headed towards the heliport, reaching out for his idroid. The device projected a hologram into thin air which showed him all the current missions that had been sent for the Diamond Dogs to undertake. In a separate list were those too dangerous for a simple soldier to undertake, left for him and him alone to complete. At first, it seemed that he would have to choose once again between murdering some war general too smart for his own good and rescuing some valuable prisoner from a night-impenetrable fortress, but a very unique mission popped out on the list.

"Zombie disinfestation?" Snake read out loud. Ocelot approached him and examinated the request while stroking his chin.

"Hm... That's new." The mission description was fairly incomplete and the location, Chernobyl, only made the whole request look more suspicious. "Maybe we should sit this one out, Boss."

"No." Snake answered. "I'll go. Even if it's a trap, we can't let go this opportunity to know our enemy better."

"Well, it's your decision." Ocelot said. The men stopped their training momentairly while he circled behind Big Boss to adjust something in his backpack. "We'll try to get you support as soon as possible. Until then, be careful out there."

"That's something I wanted to ask." Snake commented. "The chopper doesn't have enough flight time to get there, does it?"

"Oh, don't worry about that." Ocelot dismissed with a witty smile. "I got a little something for that right... Here!"

A swift pull opened a Fulton devie attached to Big Boss' gear, rapidly suspending him a couple meters from the ground. The legend tried his best to get rid of his fate, but it was already too late: another burst of speed lauched him from the mother base and into the magical realm of 'not in the camera's view', where realiable albeit desconfortable fast travel happened at its best.

Fame decreased (-50)

"And that's for that little selfie in the multiplayer promo, you faggot." Revolver Ocelot finished.

Location: Mountain Glenn, Kingdom of Vale

December 9th, XXXX – 3:00 A.M.

It was a cold, eerie nigth at the ruins of mountain glenn. The morbid remains of what was projected to be a great city had lost all of their color and grace, as if it were the rotting skeleton of a fever dream. A small girl in a black dress and red hood wandered carefully through the grey maze, taking every precaution to avoid being found by the bloodthirsty monsters that hid just around the corner. She was small, but not harmless, carrying a rifle on her back, and seemed very focusedd on finding something:

"Zwei?" Ruby whispered. "Where are you, Zwei!?" Shortly after, she found Zwei marking his territory upon some of the city's ruins. Her expression quickly softened upon seeing the dog in safety. "Zwei, this is a wasteland! You literally could have done that anywhere!"

Zwei approached its owner and barked gleefully, unaware that the noise could attract unwanted attention. The greeting between the two was interrupted abruptly by a slow, sickly growl not far away from there. Thinking quickly, Ruby grabbed her dog and hurried towards the nearest wall. The growl continued to grow in strenght and numbers, seeming almost oblivious to their presence. _They don't sound like any Grimm I know..._ Simultaneously excited and scared of facing the new monster, the huntress took a deep breath and peered out into the noise's source.

"Uuurrrgh..."

Three figures dragged themselves ever só slowly across the plaza. At a first glance they seemed to be a group of White Fang guards, but Ruby quickly noticed something was very wrong with them. Not only they had ragged and ripped clothes but deep and deadly wounds as well. The wide gashes seemed to have run out of blood to spill, but still prevented them from ever moving normally again. And yet, the three fauni stumbled forward, their heads pending to the side as if they were ragdolls pulled by pupeteer strings.

"Oh my..." Ruby quickly returned to her cover and faced Zwei. "What could have done this to them?" She received no answer apart from the growl, which seemed louder by the second. "I should try to get help before I do anything."

The huntress picked up her cellphone and dialed immedeately for her friends, but the device didn't seem to have any signal at the moment. She tried dialing a few more times, but to no avail. _Looks like we'll have to go get them,_ Ruby thought to herself. She was about to put her device away when a cold, wet feeling took over her shoulder. Pushing herself over the limit to avoid paralyzing completely, the girl shackingly turned her head over to the side. A vicious and infected mass of saliva slowly dripped from the back dress. Just above it, the dead eyes of the undead White fang guard stared into her soul.

"Aaaaaaah!"

Ruby managed to just escape a bite from the monster using her inhuman speed, his teeth dipping into the trail of rose petals. Without time to think twice at the risk of getting Zwei hurt, she whipped out her high-impact sniper rifle and got a direct hit into the agressor, which was pushed back by the impact and hit the building's wall with enough force to shake out a few pebbles form the top. The thing was completely unfazed by it, however, and kept heading towards her. Luckly for her, the dog was clever enough to come running for its owner once again.

"Let's get out of here, Zwei!"

The huntress picked up Zwei and rushed towards their encampment, hoping the terrifying undead White Fangs wouldn't pull off that showing up from nowhere trick again. What she didn't expect, however, was having the very ground she stepped on collapse, picking apart herself, Crescent rose, and Zwei into separate falls.

"No! Zwei!" Was the last thing Ruby shouted before disappearing into the darkness.

Location: Oga's bedroom, Japan

July 8th, 2011 – 7:00 PM

"We have another letter from Master's father."

It was the end of a day like any other at the Oga household, with Tatsumi busy watching Gohan-kun while Baby beel crawled towards the source of novelty as fast as he could. Hilda, the third and last person present in the room, held the letter in her hand. Other than the occasional demonic toy scattered around the floor, that bedroom was indistiguishable from any common middle-schooler's. The letter's covering was ripped off and she continued reading it:

"The Great Demon Lord is weary that his son hasn't experienced enough evil during his stay in japan. He demands that he and his caretaker make use of the summer vacation to interact with other sources of villany on earth, or else..." Hilda glanced up after finishing the letter, then continued in a harsher tone: "Are you even listening?"

"Yeah yeah, I got it." Tatsumi replied without switching his focus from the television. "We'll stop by some other middle school tomorrow and beat some dumasses. How's that for you?"

"You didn't get it, then." Hilda put away the letter and shut down the television to get Oga's full attention. He reacted angrily:

"Hey! I was watching that!"

"Stip whining, this is important." She insisted. "I need to consult you on this, because I don't have enough knowledge of this world yet. Where on this plane can you find the most wretched hive of scum and villany?"

"Scum and villany, you say?" Tatsumi asked. _Wait a minute. If we go to a place like this, I'll finally find someone to take care of Baby Beel! I can't let this chance go to waste._ On the outside, however, he kept his cool and reached for his drawer. "Ugh, fine. Hang on a second."

"Dabuuh!"

Baby beel quickl reached Oga, who recovered from the drawer a months-old special magazine that came in free in some sort of promotional campaign. 'the most wretched hives of scum and villany on earth', said on its cover. He didn't read it, but since it had been so eerily called out like that, right then and there seemed a better time than ever. With the heir of the demon world on his shoulder, the Raging ogre began browsing through the many spages of the special edition:

"Hm, let's see... Terrorist encampment, Middle east... Too hot. Slave kids diamond mine, central africa... Too many mosquitoes. EA games headquarters, US..."

"Dabuuh!" Baby Beel exclaimed while pointing his finger to one of the pictures.

"Chernobyl? Why, Baby Beel? There's no one there..."

"Don't underestimate the Master's instinct." Hilda warned. "He must have sensed something very evil to act this way."

"Fine then, Chernobyl it is." Tatsumi agreed. It took a little more than a second until realization finally hit him. "Wait a second... I'm not paying a trip to Ukraine! How are we supposed to get there!?"

"Did someone call for transport!?"

Less than a split second after the problem was stated, Alaindelon the transportation demon busted out from the bedroom door in his casual attire and epic mustache, carring the shine in his eyees that showed up every time he was requested. Despite his sudden appearance having happened several times already under similar circumstances, Tatsumi and Baby Beel still were utterly startled.

"Don't fret about it, Master!" Alaindelon continued, overflowing with pleasure. "Just go inside me and I'll take you wherever you want to be..."

"This isn't funny!" Tatsumi kept protesting while the transportation demon divided himself into two straight from the middle and sucking in Baby Beel and his adoptive father. "I don't even speak Ukranian! Stop! Aaaargh!" When the door was almost closing, Oga suddenly stopped screaming and struggling to hold Alaindelon still with little effort. He calmy asked: "Wait. You're not coming with us, Hilda?"

"Dabuh Dah?"

"I have some matters to atend in the demon world." Hilda explained withou batting an eye. "It'll be a good chance for you two to learn how to get around on your own. If you manage to get Master into trouble, just call for Alaindelon and I'll come to help."

"Fine then." Tatsumi had one extra second to breathe before he was completely inside Alaindelon. "Aaargh...!"

Having the two safely stored inside him, the transportation demon stormed out of the house, gaining speed at an absurd pace and with a trajectory that headed straight into the ocean. In only a few moments he reached the beach and, in a glorious sommersault, dove into the water to proceed swimming. Meanwhile inside the demon, Tatsumi noticed something had upset his kid deeply.

"What's the matter, Baby Beel?" He asked. The tiny Demon Lord was still looking towards the opening from whence they came. "You're missing Hilda already?"

"Dah... Buh..." Tears were quickly overflowing in Baby Beel's eyes.

"No, wait!" Oga begged. "Remember, real men don't cry! Don't..."

"Dabuuuuh!"

A massive thunderstorm raged around the crying baby, one unlike any other that had ever happened before. It overwhelmed Alaindelon from the inside and covered him in a blue flash as bright as an atomic bomb. Afterwards, there was no evidence of any of the three to be seen...

At that time, at least.


	2. Chapter 2: It's also a gun

**Chapter two: It's also a gun.**

Location: Chernobyl – USSR

December 9th, 1986 – 12:00 AM

"Never... Again..."

Tatsumi Oga collapsed outside of Alaindelon, completely exhausted. Baby Beel's last shock had been stronger than ever before, lasting for almost the entire trip, yet somehow the carrier demon didn't seem to have felt it the slightest. A quick inspection revealed that the three had indeed arrived right in the middle of a soviet ghost town, as they predicted. There seemed to be something terribly wrong in it, however.

"Baby Beel, are you noticing this?" Tatsumi asked. "There's something wrong about here, but I can't tell what."

"Dabuuh!" Baby Beel confirmed.

"Do you feel it too, Alaindelon?" He insisted. For his surprise, however, a quick glance revealed that the transporter demon had been long gone already. "Alaindelon! You goddam coward!" Oga flailed at nothing for a few more moments before resigning to his fate. "Fine then. Let's take a walk and see what we find, Beel."

The two were in the middle of a large comercial avenue, filled with several small stores whose purprose he could only guess from the showcases. They didn't seem quite abandoned, though, as much as just closed for the weekend. There were barely any cracks on the walls and the paint could still be seen behind the thin layer of dust. Unable to find anything more intersting, Tatsumi decided to enter what seemed to be a small cafe. The results were much better than what he expected:

"Look, Baby Beel! Croquets!"

"Dabuh Dah!" Baby Beel exclaimed. The duo came closer to the inner showcase and stared at the forbidden delicacy, salivating intensively.

"It's probably a little bit past the expiration, though..." Tatsumi noticed, slowly turning away from it. The baby demon lord didn't cry, however, for he had predicted his foster father's actions. The furious ogre stopped suddenly, searched both of his sides for anyone watching and then swiftly took a croquet before anyone could see it. He turned his attention, then, to Beelzebub: "Now listen, Baby Beel: if you're gonna do something wrong, make sure no one is there to see it. Got it?"

"Daabuh!"

The two guiltily finished up the snack and left the cafe to search for evil. They came about a fashion store that proved throughly they were in a 1980's Soviet Union, a couple bars that still had their glasses on the counter and several small houses that clearly were abandoned in a hurry, but sadly no evil. Boredom took the best of the duo, and they decided to pass some time in death matches.

"Go, Baby Beel! You can do it!" Tatsumi screamed from the top of his lungs.

"Daaah..." Baby Beel's expression was one of pure determination; he could not afford to lose to that opponent, otherwise everything he had ever been through until then would have been for nothing. Gathering all his strenght and will power, he readied his fist behind his head and delievered a mighy blow on his foe. "Buuuh!"

The attack was just barely enough to defeat his oponent, a terrifying crockroach that made its house under a park bench. The tiny demon lord relished in his victory, swinging his arms upwards and mumbling in pure joy.

"You win!" A random voice annouced. Happy with the results, Oga messed up his hair and said:

"Not bad, Beel. Cockroaches are worth a lot of points, actually." He stood up and pointed towards the horizon, exclaiming: "Let's go find another one!"

Luckly for them, their 'exciting' mission was interrupted by the clear sound of a body hitting the ground. Its source seemed to be in an alley less than a block away, so the two shared a silent nod and approached it carefully. As it turned out, its source was nothing but a fainted young girl in a back dress and red hood. Judging from the massive bump on her head, she must have had fallen head first from somewhere very tall. _But the closest building is more than a block away... Could she have been launched by something?_ Curious to see if she was still alive, Baby Beel approached the misterious person and poked her in the head.

"Ow!"

Ruby Rose came back to her senses with the unusual sight of a naked, green haired baby poking her face. She quickly recovered her senses and, apart from a terrible headache, everything seemed fine. _But Zwei and Crescent Rose aren't here... I need to find them._ It took another moment until she noticed the young man in front of her. He seemed about as confused as herself with the whole situation, so the huntress tried being friendly:

"Oh, hey there. What's your..." Her eyes suddenly widened in despair and she grabbed Tatsumi's arm, shouting: "Watch out!"

"Waaah!"

Oga could almost feel the long nails missing his back fow a few centimeters as he fell right beside Ruby and quickly recovered back into his feet, just in time to pull the girl from the vice grip of a Soviet citizen not looking very healthy. _Actually, he smells like an actual dumpster... Are all Ukranians so weird?,_ he asked himself. A more precise inspection revealed that he and the three friends behind him were more than just dirty: their clothes were stained with dry blood, their skin was dry and grey and their eyes gazed into nothing, twitching often for no reason.

"Not this again!" Ruby exclaimed, taking a careful step back. _If I touch these things I might get whatever they have... I need to find Crescent Rose._ She then turned her attention to the guy and the baby beside her: "Do you know what happened to them?"

"Like I care." Was his answer.

As if he was reacting to their noise, the disgusting man seemed to have finally noticed them and charged up at about twice its walking speed. The huntress grabbed who seemed the only other normal person there and tried to pull him away. He didn't yeld, however, and got rid of her grab instead. His fist smashed the charging man's skull ruthlessly, separating the head from its body in the impact and splattering it all over the alley's wall.

"It-It's..." Ruby stuttered, trembling violently.

"Oops, I guess I overdid it." The young man noticed, as if it wasn't much. That, however, was not quite the reason for her panic:

"It's _still moving!"_

"Huh?"

Tatsumi Oga just barely managed to avoid the furious swipes from the beheaded body right in front of him, seeming just as determined to murder the two as before. The girl in the dress reacted quickly and gave the thing a rather hesitant kick, buying the furious Ogre more than enough time to forecefully push it towards its other pals. Naturally, that also was just a minor setback for the furious stinking Ukranians.

"Can we run _now_!?" The girl asked.

"Daahbuuh!" Baby Beel disagreed with a violent shake of the head. His eyes carried that unique glare that only came by when it was the time to stand ground and fight.

"You can run if you want." Tatsumi answered calmly. "But me and Baby Beel over here don't do that 'running' thing." Her reaction was a surprise for him:

"You know what? You're right!" _Get yourself together, Ruby!_ she thought to herself, taking a deep breath and assuming a figthing stance afterwards. "Let's kick some butt!"

 _Did she really say 'butt'?_

The four soviets and the two fighters jumped immedeately into each other, rushed in by adrenaline and eager to take each other out. Ruby got jumped by the largest of the attackers and had little trouble dodging his moves, but a kick to the waist seemed to have little effect in it. Meanwhile, the furious ogre was already growing sick of the other three's bloody stench and hit a deadly uppercut right in the middle of the chest of the nearest one, sending his upper body up towards the sky and leaving his legs flailing uselessly on the ground. _Yeah, I definitely didn't overdo it._ He concluded. _These guys are actually rotten on the inside._

"Bring it on, you little shits!" Tatsumi taunted.

"Dabuuh Daaah!" Baby beel raised his fist in the air to support him.

Meanwhile, Ruby had grown tired of dodging the tall man's swipes and fell back a moment to think of a strategy. _I don't think I can just rip these monsters apart like he's doing. Guess I'll have to wing it..._ A quick glance at her belt provided a flashy, but effective answer. The huntress activated her semblance, becoming too fast for the human eye to follow and leaving behind a trail of rose petals. She grabbed off from her belt a fire dust bullet and stuck into the monster's chest, then circled behind him and did the same with a couple of ice dust bullets. Another quick step brought her back face-to-face with it and she finished the movement with a swift kick. The impact exploded the bullet in its chest, lauching it back towards the alley wall. As soon as the thing reached the obstacle, the bullets stuck in its back exploded and covered their target in a thick layer of ice.

"Oh, yeah." Ruby complimented herself. "Did you see that, guy with the baby?"

"See what?"

Oga was too busy himself burying the last monster into the concrete with his foot to see whatever the girl did to her foe. _Wow, he's as strong as Yang! Wait, we didn't even introduce yet..._ The young huntress was quickly overrun with shyness, trying scratching her head to avoid sounding too desperate:

"Say, you haven't seen a little dog around here? Or a giant scythe, maybe?" _Your name, Ruby!_ "Oh yeah, right. Name's Ruby Rose." She extended her hand and tried to get a smile going: "Nice to meet you."

"Oga Tatsumi." Tatsumi hesitated at her hand, but endend up shaking it anyway. How c _an someone's voice even be that squeaky?_ "All that I've seen since I got here were croquets and these weird guys."

"They don't really look like they're people..." Ruby came as close as she could from the foe she froze without risking a bite from his vicious mouth. It took her a few more seconds before realization finally came: "What if... No, it can't be."

"Daah buuh?"

"It's a zombie!" Panic took over the young huntress and she quickly was all over the place, running in circles and repeating: "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! What are we gonna do!? A zombie! I can't..." Tatsumi quickly grew weary of her little act and grabbed her by the hood, asking:

"So what if it's a zombie? All we have to do is kick their ass a little harder than a regular human. I don't have to be a genius to notice you're not from around here, so what's the problem here?"

"Well, you got that right." Ruby replied, calming down and getting rid of Oga's grip. "I'm not even sure where this is supposed to be. The thing is, my dog and my gun are lost somewhere around here, and I've gotta get them back before they to something to them!"

"Didn't you say it was a scythe that you lost?"

"It's also a gun." Tatsumi rose an eyebrow, confused, but decided he had enough of hanging around doing nothing and headed back to the park, hands on his pockets. The huntress continued: "Wait, where are you going?"

"Do you wanna get you dog back or not? We better find a high spot to look for it then."

"Daabuh!"

"That's a nice idea." Ruby answered while gleefully joining him. "Thanks for helping me, Oga. You're a really nice guy."

"Yeah, whatever."

\- Not far away from there -

Snake had already lost count on how long he had been strapped to that cursed fulton, cruising through asia. A trip like that destroyed the back of any human being, legend or not, and he had long run out of calorie mates to eat. Because of that, when the city finally showed up Big Boss was certain that it was some sort of allucination. He only took it for granted that it was real after experiencing the sweet feeling of solid ground once more.

Time couldn't be wasted, however, so Snake quickly took cover in the nearest alley and surveyed his surroundings. _The city is deserted... Maybe this isn't a trap, after all._ Being heavily guarded soviet territoy, the Idroid didn't have any map of the town and the intel team probably wouldn't be able to gather much for him, so his first objective would be a high ground to scout from. As usual, before moving he tested communications with the mother base:

"Snake?" Ocelot asked. "Glad to see you got there in one piece."

"You'll pay for this."

"Maybe later. Listen, I've contacted our client and she has released some new information about the mission. But first, I have to confirm something. If you check the sensors in your Idroid, you should find a geiger counter. What does it read?" After tweaking with his device a bit, Snake informed:

"Strange... It says there's some radiation here. Is it broken?"

"No, it's perfectly fine." Ocelot confirmed. "Apparently, this place was a soviet experiment to test a city's ability to function working mostly on nuclear energy. Turns out that using a nuclear bomb to power houses is not such a safe idea."

"You're telling me a nuclear bomb exploded here?"

"Not quite, but it's still very deadly." The inter chief warned. "Keep an eye out on this counter. Under no circumstances should you go into a danger zone, understand? This isn't something you can just shrug off." After receiving only silence as response, he added: "The contractor allegedly has gotten her hands on reports of very strange sightings. Citizens that didn't escape the danger zone in time were seen walking around aimlessly despite their very lethal wounds, some even without their legs or head. You'll need to be exceptionally careful this time, Boss."

"Got it."

Big Boss sneaked out of his hiding and into the street, keeping himself low and silent. A few blocks away stood what seemed to be the tallest building in the area, a soviet bureau not far from the main avenue. It seemed the perfect place to house whatever monstrosity the radiation had produced on the poor civilians, but it was also the ideal scouting point. _If I'm really hope to get in there, I'll have to use my best tatics..._ Snake opened up his backback and searched for his ultimate weapon.

"There you are."

\- Chapter end -


	3. Chapter 3: The power of Macao

**Chapter 3: The power of Macao.**

Location: Chernobyl, USSR

December 9th, 1986 – 2:34 P.M.

"So... Oga, right!? Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Ruby, Tatsumi and Baby Beel had been walking the city for quite some time already, but found little evicence of more zombies, Zwei or Crescent rose. Their objetive, a tall office building now only a few blocks away, was their best choice at finding either. Conversation between the two had died faster than an underwater forest fire and that was a mostly desperate attempt to bring it back from the dead.

"It's about the baby, isn't it?" Oga asked, to which Ruby confirmed with a nod. He looked upwards with an inspired look, saying: "Let me tell you a story, then." Much to his amusement, the huntress stopped walking, sat on the ground, held up the hood over her head in a childish manner and focused her entire attention on him, eager to hear the story. This only inspired him even further to tell it: "A long, long time ago... There live a beautiful and gentle young man, very popular and loved by all. The gentle young man said: 'all must crawl before me!'"

"Wait, what?" Ruby couldn't help but feel she misunderstood something. "Wasn't he gentle?"

"Yes, he was." Tatsumi said. "But at the moment, he had lost his patiente with the dumasses who tried to attack him while he slept. Their cheating blew right up on their face, though, because despite that he wiped the floor with their asses."

"Ooh, I see now." She agreed, recovering her willing suspension of disbelief.

"Then, the man with the gentle heart decided to spare the men and go to the river to wash some clothes." A short pause was made for dramatic effect. "It was then when he found it!" Ruby's attention was reaching critical mass at that point, her eyes widening out in sheer excitement. "Floating up the river, a giant dude showed up. Everyone else was terribly scared and escaped, but the gentle man didn't lose to his own fears. He used his very own hands to pull the dude out of the water!"

"Wow!" The huntress commented.

"...And then he split him into two."

"No, it can't be!" Ruby gasped. "What kind of monster would do that?"

"Inside the dude, there laid a squishy little baby." At this point, the listener's jaw had dropped and didn't give any signs of going back up again. "And then the gentle young man said: 'what a cute little baby! But what is this? What should I do?' While he wasn't looking, the dude got back up, yelled 'transport!' and jumped back into the river."

"Oh, I got it!" The huntress exclaimed, hitting her palm lightly with her fist. "He was a robot, then! What a plot twist."

"Yeah, sure, I don't care what you call him." Tatsumi replied. "So then, the young man with the gentle heart did his best to do a friendly, warm greeting for the baby and make him feel confortable. After that, the baby... Completely latched on to me."

"Daahbuh Dah!" Baby Beel confirmed.

"Woof woof!" Zwei also confirmed. Suddenly, all the eyes were on the previously lost dog. "...Woof?"

"Zwei, you're here!" Ruby wrapped her dog in a tight hug and was fiercely attacked on the face by his tongue. "Hey, it tickles!" She then put it back on the ground and turned her attention to Tatsumi: "You know, Zwei wouldn't just show up out of nowhere to hear any story. You've got a real talent there."

"Huh, that's nothing, really." He dismissed. His attention shifted then into Baby Beel, who seemed eager to get out of his shoulder: "What is it, Baby Beel? You wanna see the dog up close?"

"Daah buh!" He agreed.

"Hey, that's a great idea!" Ruby noticed. The two proud caretakers placed their little babies in front of each other and gave them a light tap, encouraging them to go forward. "Look at them go!"

Zwei was the first to move, running towards Baby Beel with his tail swinging energetically. He barked quickly twice, which startled the little lord of evil for a moment, but ended up prompting him to respond. The tiny, chubby hand carefully approached the dog and, after touching his nose, went on to caress his fluffy ears. Jubilant with the gesture, Zwei sticked out his tongue and thanked him with a lick on the cheek. Beelzebub crearly didn't like it, but was powerless to stop his new buddy from continuing his onslaught of thankful licks. Tears quickly began to pile up near his eyelids, a sign that took Tatsumi one second too much to notice.

"No, wait, Beel!" He begged while trying to take his baby away from the threat. Sensing the iniminent danger, Ruby jumped into Zwei to protect him. "Remember: Men don't..."

"Daaaaah!"

Along with Baby Beel's scream came from him a massive burst of electricity, overwhelming the four of them in a bright blue light. Both the light and the cry could be heard from several blocks away, calling the attention of more than one of the parties involved. Despite the pain, Tatsumi gathered the strenght to grab his baby mid-shock and bring him away from the other two, calming him down. Much to his surprise, apart from a light burn on her clothing here or there Ruby was intact.

"Bad demon lord!" Oga scolded him. _How didn't she get hurt? That's some serious strenght right there..._ "You can't shock girls just because you were scared of some licks here or there."

"Daah." Baby beel seemd to have learned his lesson.

"It's alright, really..." The huntress informed, busting open an embarassed smile to try to ease the mood. In her head, she was starting to ask herself in they weren't ALL robots or if that was just some sort of early sign of Semblance. "We know it wasn't his fault. Right, Zwei?"

"Woof Woof!"

"Wait." Alerted by what seemed to have been a growl, Tatsumi turned his attention to his surroundings while holding down Baby Beel's mouth. Ruby did the same to Zwei, this time being the first one to notice it:

"Uuuurrrgh..."

"Damn, here we go again..." The furious Ogre complained, raising his fists and preparing himself ot deliever pain. Ruby had other plans, however, and managed to pull the two this time into the safety of a wall.

"Wait!" She pleaded. "Let's try to see what it is first."

"Ugh, fine. You have one minute."

The growl slowly grew while the four of them waited there, accompanied by the sound of steps and of body parts being dragged. In a few moments the first zombie showed up, dragging behind him a bloody stump instead of one of his legs. He was followed right after by 2 other zoembies, then 4, 6, 10... In just a few seconds, the avenue that had been so quiet before was now overflowing with bloodthirsty zombies. Most curiously, one of them near the middle had a giant red metal scythe stuck in his back.

"There it is! Crescent Rose!" Ruby pointed out, thrilled by seing her lost love again.

"Damn, that's a lot of zombies to kill." Tatsumi notcied, spinning his arm at a steady pace to warm up for the fight. "Let's get ready, then."

"We don't have to fight them." Ruby suggested. "You gave me a minute, didn't you? Well, then hang on a little more. I'm going in."

"You're going to fight them?"

"No, I'm going sneaky-like." The Huntress explained. "Watch this, It's gonna be awesome."

Ruby used her keen eye to search the avenue for cover points; there were more than enough car wrecks to get her into the middle of the avenue, where a toppled pine tree could get her closed enough to pinch Crescent Rose back. Mustering all her stealth, she made a run towards and nearest car and hid there, waiting to see if any Zombie had noticed her. There was no reaction, so the huntress turned back to give Oga a thumbs up. On the way to do that, however, her hand hit something odd:

"A box?" Ruby didn't remember seeing the box there, only making its appearance even stranger. "Go figure." That did little to stop her, so she focused on her task again and sprinted nimbly towards the next car. Everything seemed smooth sailing so far until she hit another box upon reaching the destination. "What, another box? Hang on a second..." The huntress glanced back at her privious hideout and noticed it was empty. She carefully approached the mysterious prop, taken by curisity, and put her hand under it to check for anything hidden. "Hello?"

Much to her surprise, there was a person under the box. She didn't even have the time to see who it was, unfortunately, as his hands reached out for her and put her in a tight arm lock. Ruby tried her best to signal to Oga or get free from the choke, but apparently the only thing she managed to do was annoy her capturer. A knife popped up just below her chin and a gruff voice ordered:

"Speak."

"Uh, hey..." The huntress tried her best not to panic, but it didn't seem like she could keep that up for long. "Sorry for getting you out of that box, buddy. I-I promise I'll leave you alone."

Punished Snake had finally gotten his hands on what seemed a regular human being, but it seemed like she wasn't going to be of much help. _Let's try being a little more persistent, then._ Snake tried to approach the knife into the girl's throat to get her to talk something worthwhile, but it stopped midway through. She was still scared to death, in pain even, but the knife only harmlessly scraped some invisible material half an inch from the pale white skin.

"Seems like some sort of power, Snake." Revolver Ocelot commented through the communicator. "Bring her in."

"But what if she's with Cypher?" Kazuhira Miller, another of Snake's advisers, asked through the communicators as well.

"Who cares?" Shalashaska replied. "She'll side with Big Boss now, for sure."

"But she might be evil!" Miller insisted. "Like, more evil than the evil we usually fight.

"It doesn't matter." Ocelot opined. "We can make good use of those physical abilities of hers."

"You perv!" Kazuhira pointed out. "She's, like, 15!"

By around that point, the two advisers forgot about what they were talking about and focused completely on wailing at each other. Having taken his decision already, Snake choked the girl into unconsciousness and equipped her with a Fulton device. _The analyser says she has S-rank in combat and the Diplomat skill... Could this thing be broken?_ The baloon opened up, gaining a few feet into the air and waking its victim in the process:

"Aaaah!" Ruby screamed upon waking up. "Oga, help..." The Fulton interrupted her when it made the second leap into the sky. "Waaaaaaaah!"

"Ruby!" Tatsumi screamed. Either his eyes were playing a prank on him or the girl he had just met was know rocketing upwards in a baloon while calling for his help. He managed to catch a glimpse of the culprit before he could slip back into the box he came from. "Hey, you! What did you do to her?" Startled by the questions, the man in camouflage leaped under a car to try to escape his wrath. "Come back here, you little..."

Oga noticed one moment too late that his boisterous threat hadn't worked out in his favor: the zombies were attracted by his noise and immedeately converged on him, giving the man plenty of time to escape safely. Having failed both in protecting Ruby and catching her agressor, a wave of rage took over Tatsumi and Baby Beel. Unfortuntely for the zombies, they happened to be the only living thing they could channel their hatred onto.

"You are on the way..." He whispered with a sick grin and a glare. "...Preapre to die."

The nearest zombie failed to notice the danger and charged in, arms extended forward. The Zebub Mark, which was so far only a small mark in the back of Furious Ogre's hand, grew in size and complexity until it covered his whole arm. His next punch came with all the strenght of the underworld in it, desintegrating the zombie's torso while barely affecting its limbs and head. The remaining parts fell into the ground and began twitching harmlessly. Sadly, not even that was enough to scare of the zombies, who kept their relentless advance. It wouldn't be that much of a problem, as the two buddies had plenty of hate to spare.

Not far from there, Venon Snake watched the whole scene from atop a building with the help of his scope. One by one the zombies tried to charge the young man, only to get themselves blown up to gibs with each of his demonic swings. As if it were the cherry on the cake of that ridiculous scene, the Baby on his back seemed thrilled by the violence, swinging his arms behind each punch excitedly.

"That must be another of Cypher's men." Revolver Ocelot noticed. "Wait until he drops his guard then knock him out."

"No, no, let's take him in too!" Miller suggested, mocking Shalashaska's voice. "I bet we can use his 'physical abilities' very well!"

"Wow, that was actually pretty funny." Ocelot replied. "Claps to you."

"You mother-"

The call was cut before Kazuhira could end the sentence, allowing Snake some time of silence. With just about every zombie in the area piling up against that monster of a man, Big Boss had little difficulty continuing his way into the building. His original objective of confirming there were actually zombies to desinfest had already been solved about a hour ago, but he still had to take a look into the scale of the issue. The legend reached the building, which was completely unprotected, and neared its front door.

"There's something about this I don't like." Snake commented. "Ocelot, when did you say that the accident happened?"

"On April, according to our sources."

"The painting on these walls is much more recent than that." Big Boss revealed. "There is something wrong here."

"Odd." Ocelot agreed. "What does your geiger counter say?"

"It's actually lower than before. It was the highest when I was near the zombies."

"Well then, get in there and figure out what's happening."

Snake approached the door and pushed it ever so lightly, controlling the pace of his hand to avoid having it creak too much. Intead of the sunlight coming into the building, as it would be expected in any ghost town, a pale blue light came from inside into the street. Big Boss opened the door some more and peeked his head into it: the corridor was well populated, and this time by regular, armed soldiers. They stood by each door of the corridor and, for some reason, seemed more worried about watching their backs with a nervous glance every few moments than actually guarding the doors. Excited to see an oportunity to put out his bread-and-butter sneaking skills to good use once more, the legend took of the safety from his tranquilizer gun, put on his chicken hat and stormed in.

\- Chapter end -


	4. Chapter 4: The one with the huge title

Chapter 4: This is just like one of my american animes!

Location: Mother Base, Seychelles

December 9th, 4:32 PM

"Let me go! Let me go!" Ruby Rose shouted.

She was tied and cuffed to a metal chair in what seemed like an interrogation room, with a simple table, a bulletproof two-way glass and a sturdy metal door just in front of her. They had brought the huntress in there as soon as she landed from that insane baloon ride and apparently were hoping to kill her out of sheer boredom. They must have given up at some point, however, since the wall finally opened and an old man with long, wavy silver hair and a red scarf walked in, a glass of water in his hand. He gave the captive a friendly smirk, sat down and placed the cup in front of her, offering:

"Would you like some?"

"Yes! Thanks." She thanked. Although handling a glass of water with cuffed hands was quite a mess, she managed to drink it without spilling anything. "Who are you, anyway? You're way too nice to be in Roman's gang."

"You must still be dazed for being knocked out, so I'll break it down for you." Ocelot commented. "The legend, the devil with the horn on the forehead, the Big Boss Punished Snake, has decided you are worthy to join the Diamond Dogs. Forget your old name, your past wars and your home country. From now on you shall be Jolly Gator, fighting along your brethren for your own sake."

"Jolly... Gator?" Ruby frowned in disbelief. "Who came up with _that?_ Well, thanks for the offer anyways, but I'm fine on the Beacon academy. Can I go home now?"

"What? Yes... I mean, no! How can you refuse the offer to work for the finest mercenary company in the world, lead by the legend himself? You'll never get a better offer than this."

"You clearly don't know about Beacon, then." The huntress insisted. "We are totally cooler than you guys. You should come and see the Vytal Festval if you have any doubts! It's going to start real soon."

"Do we have any intel on what she's babbling about?" Whispered Ocelot to his speaker.

"I can still hear you, you know." Ruby noticed with a silly, but confident grin.

"...Nothing." Miller confirmed. "Either she hit her head real hard before getting Fulton'd, or our intel team needs to step up their game."

"Can I go now?" The huntress insisted, nodding towards her cuffs. "Pretty please?"

"That's _enough!"_ Shouted Ocelot while slamming his hands on the metal table. The captive withdrew herselft and stared at him with the guilty eyes of a 7-year-old who just broke the china vase. "I've done being nice to you, freak. Tell me, who do you work for and why were you there?"

"I've told you already!" Ruby complained. "I'm from beacon, doing a little cleanup mission they've sent us. I just want to find my weapon, my dog and my team. Then we'll get out of there, I promise!"

"So we weren't the only ones contacted to do the job." Miller observed. "This is getting more suspicious by the minute."

"We should send her back in." Ocelot noticed. "She can help Snake get to the end of this."

"Yeah, do that!" The huntress agreed.

"Well, she isn't with Cypher, that's for sure." Kazuhira concluded. "I can't see why not." At this point, the captive was already thrilled with the perspective of being released back into the field.

"Can you shoot, Jolly Gator?" Ocelot asked.

"You bet! Best sharpshooter you'll ever see." Ruby gloated. "And my name is Ruby Rose, not that thing you just called me."

"Sure thing, Gator." The interrogator set his captive free, unaware of what he had just unleashed upon mother base. "Now you behave until we send you, or..." It took him a moment to realise he was attempting communication to a trail of rose petals. "W-what!? Miller, set up the alarm! Our prisoner is on the loose!"

"So here's the other microfone." An unebeliavably squeaky voice replied, backed up by Miller's muffled grunts. Despite having ran at a speed faster than the 100-meter sprint olympic champion, she wasn't even panting the slightest. "How are you doing there, old man?"

"Listen, I didn't uncuff you to let you run around like this!" Ocelot complained. "The Boss is out there, on a life or death scenario, and he needs your help. _Right. Now_!"

Location: Chernobyl, USSR

About the same time

"Please, stop!" The poor guard pleaded. "I have a family to feed!" The legend wasn't one to have mercy, however, and mercilessly leaned over him. He grabbed the fulton device from the belt and equipped it on the poor soul. "Noooo!"

The fulton opened itself and dragged the man upwards, slamming into the short ceiling not long after. The impact left him unconscious, so Snake dragged his body into the already very tall 'stunned guards' pile and grabbed one from the 'sleeping' pile, which was starting to thin out. He and the guards were in the middle of the corridor, but since all their defenses had been neutralized there was no need to hide anymore. His plans at the moment were to finish having fun with all the guards and only then scavenge the base dry, but the communicator interrupted him:

"How is it going there, Boss?" It was ocelot on the other side, who seemed deeply annoyed about something. "Did you find out anything yet?"

"No, security is very tight around here." A guard showed signs of waking up, to which Snake quickly answered with a tranquilizer shot between the eyes.

"Don't worry, we can send help now. Look up on your iDroid; on the 'supply' menu of the mission tab, you should find the 'buddies' option." The Boss did as he was told and found the buddies section; so far, it only contained D-Horse and the new buddy, codenamed 'Not so Quiet'. "You cannot have more than one buddy on the field at a time, so if you ask for a partner while there is another one on the field, the latter will be removed."

Snake put the iDroid back into his pocket, since he didn't quite require a partner to clean that base dry from resources. The first two rooms didn't carry much, except for a few common metals, ammo and 1 million dollars worth of small diamonds. _The forts back at afghanistan were better..._ The real discovery, however, came at the third door. As soon as the Legend had opened it, he knew there was something good in that room: it was covered in metal, the only lights came from two parallel rows of computers and a wall of vertical steel bars split the chamber near the middle.A closer inspection revealed that the cell was littered with rotten body parts and pools of blood, but no actual corpse to speak of.

"This looks very shady..." Commented Ocelot. "You should check out one of the computers to see what's up in those." Following the instructions, Snake approached one of the computers and turned it on. The Skull's symbol was the very first thing to show up on the screen. "The Skulls? What the hell are they doing here?"

After turning on and installing a few windows updates, the machine showed up the users: guard nº 1535, guard nº1337 and guest. The Boss didn't think twice before entering guard 1337's account and prompting the entry password 'the force awakens', which was an instant hit. It didn't take much browsing through the computer to find the folder DO NOT ENTER IF YOU DON'T THINK SKULLFACE IS COOL, which contained most, of not all, the important archives. _Computer users..._ Snake thought to himself. _So predictable_. It didn't take that long of a research into the diagrams and reports to understand the meaning of all that.

"They are making experiments on soldiers here." The Boss informed. "With nanomachines!"

"Of course, nanomachines..." Ocelot agreed.

"Nanomachines!" Ruby could be overheard on the communicator. A few shots fired in the background, but they didn't seem to make much of an effect. "Wait, what are nanomachines?"

"Would you get a hold of her, Miller?" Ocelot shouted. "I'm trying to work here." A few more shots were heard, along the the noise of someone running through a metal floor. "Anyway, that must be why there these 'zombies', so to speak, around the whole town. You should add bringing this base down to your objectives list as well; we don't want the Skulls to get access to any of this research's results."

"Understood." Snake answered. "In that case, I'm going to need some supplies."

\- A few minutes of intense Metal Gear gameplay later -

It took way too long, but Snake finally managed to execute his plan. He now hid behind a pile of cars with a large detonator on his hand, ready to blow it up, when he noticed some movement inside the first stunned guard had just woke up, and now noticed his peers piled up on a snoozing pile. _Well, I suppose I can wait them to live. I'll analyse them as they get out and pick the best 2 to Fulton back to base._ After an unsuccessful attempt to reach the HQ, the guard kicked the nearest colleague of his, shouting:

"Hey, you there! Stop slacking off." The other guard got up, still dizzy from the impact. Each soldier then noticed another blacked out man near them, only to repeat the painfully slow process:

"Hey, you there! Get up."

"Hey, you! Get to your station!"

"Hey, you-"

BOOOOOM!

A majestic flame bursted out of the Skull base and flew several meters high into the building. She had a disturbing feeling to it, as if a bunch of voices cried out in terror and where suddenly silenced. The eletric equipment of the building also catched fire, which spread out the flames quickly throrough the structure and would surely destroy any evidence that could have survived the first blast.

"Good job, Boss." Ocelot complimented over the communicator. "Now we have to come up with a plan to wipe out all the zombies... Without any air support."

"Hey, I can help with that!" Ruby noticed from the communicator. Someone seemed to have finally managed to catch her, but she still added: "I just need you to find Crescent Rose first. If you do that, I'll take them all out for you!"

"Wait, Miller!" Snake ordered. "Let her talk."

"Gee, thanks. I was getting tired of running already." The Huntress complained. "It's a big red metal scythe that turns into a high impact rifle. Pretty hard to miss, if you ask me."

"Can you really wield a thing like that?" Miller's voice showed up a bit far from the microphone."

"Well, she did get a S-rank in combat." Ocelot remembered. "The scope's analyser has never been wrong before."

"Hard to argue with that." Kazuhira replied. "Alright Boss, find that scythe and we'll send her in there to help you. And Boss..."

"What?" Snake asked back.

"Please don't take long." Miller pleaded. "This girl is driving me mad."

"Hey, what does this button here do?" Ruby asked.

The sound of a small explosion came shortly afterwards, which temporarily cut out the communications. After a short meditation on the matter, Snake decided to leave the mother base's problems to the competent hands of his advisors and begun the search for the exotic weapon. It seemed like a pretty much impossible mission, since his intel team was still level 3 because he wanted the next box skin badly and the team still lacked an effective zombie-to-english translator. This left the legend with only one choice: to manually search under every radiactive rock of that wasteland in search of some clue about the weapon.

The sun was already close to setting when the Boss found his first clue, the sound of living (or almost) beings inside a large outpost that neared the east exit of the city. The watch tower itself was a rather slim and unassuming, but the building beneath it was surprisingly large and stout. The door was unlocked and showed a mostly empty room with a radio station, a few chairs and a wall of shelfs, but the sound came from the ladder on the floor near the wall. A vertical ladder going down was easily one of the most harsh challenges for a sneaking mission, since there were absolutely no approaches to the next room other than the main, probably guarded, entrance. Thankfully, the Boss was not a legend just for his sneaking skills. Snake equipped in a deadly assault rifle and some grenades, took a deep breath and jumped into the hole.

What presented itself upon the legend was not your usual sight. There was a fancy green felt table where an excitingly close game of poker was having place, a game of darts being held on the wall just next to it, a couple smokers chilling out across the room and two love birds spending some time together on the leather sofa. What made the Boss's jaw drop was the fact all those above described happened to be zombies. They immedeately noticed the stranger and, seeming embarassed to have been caught in the act, immedeately dropped their activities to stand up, bend their heads to the side and slowly chase Snake with their signature growl. After blaming what he saw on the giant shrapnel thing on his head, the infiltrator delievered a quick burst of bullets to slow the creatures down and climbed up the stairs as quickly as he could.

Snake exited the building and ran away from it without any regard to where he was going, reaching a safe wall not far away from there. From that point, it was almost easy to whip out a sniper and finish out the zombies one by one, even if it took as much a 5 bullets for each of them to completely stop moving. _I'm never taking down all these zombies by myself. Either I find that weapon or I'll die here..._ Determined to turn the situation around, The Boss put away his sniper and pulled out his iDroid to check parts of the map he had already cleared.

"Looking for something?"

The source of the voice came from the small street just behind Snake; it was the terrifying man from before, the dog beside him and the baby on his shoulder. He stood amidst a circle of zombie gibbs, one fist clenched in front of him. The other hand held a weapon that fit Crescent Rose's description precisely. By the expression on his face, there was little chance he'd hand it over to the Boss.

"Well Boss, seems like we'll have to take it by force." Ocelot commented. "Are you ready?"

"Let's do this."

\- Chapter end -


	5. Chapter 5: Another huge title

Chapter 5: A fight with Ishiyama's strongest!

Location: Chernobyl, USSR

December 9th, 6:02 P.M.

Tatsumi Oga dropped his newest friend's weapon and stared into his foe as he insterted a couple final commands into his weird cellphone and stowed it away in his pocket. The man was dead set on fighting him, and the scars in his head were strong reminder that he probably could do so. _Could this be the one to take this little burden from me? Hang in there, Baby Beel, and see if you like him!_ Both combatants put on their ready stances, took a deep breath and charged at each other, preparing for their first strike. The furious Ogre's right fist collided with Snake's left prosthetic arm, covering the soviet street in a shcokwave.

Both fighters retreated their hands, unscathed, but Oga managed to recover faster and quickly followed with another furious punch. The Boss was fast in his reaction, however, and leaped to the side just in time to dodge it. He got up in record speed and reached for the furious Ogre from his back, getting a solid grip and then smashing him onto the floor. Any regular man would have been knocked out by the move but Ishiyama's strongest simply got up, put on a fearsome grin and went on for another punch.

Snake was quickly overwhelmed by the speed and strenght of his foe, forcing to retreat quickly while barely escaping his onlaught of punches and kicks. He only managed to react once his reflex kicked in once more; blocking a punch with incredible sleight of hand, the Boss followed up with a quick punch and a sweeping kick to knock his opponent down once more. Oga lost, indeed, contact with the ground, but that was not nearly enough to stop him. Still in the air, he spinned around his own axis and answered with a roundhouse kick, shouting:

"Flash kick!"

The attack made Snake fly about a meter before falling hard into the ground and dazed him out for a moment. He returned to his own self just in the nick of time, rolling to the side to avoid a mighty punch. The attack was so impressive that it opened a hole in the asphalt, confirming that getting hit by that would finish it all. Oga quickly saw an opening and grabbed his foe. He brought him with his left hand up to his height and readied his fist with the other hand.

"That's all?" The furious Ogre asked, seeming almost disappointed by such an easy fight.

"Kept you waiting, huh?" Before Oga could even react to the gratuituous refference, a large supply box dropped from the sky and smashed him into the ground.

"I've been... Defeated?" The furious Ogre managed to mumble from the ground. His body was more or less fine, but his pride took a deadly hit. "By an old man with a box?"

"Daa buhh!"

"What did you just call me?" Snake questioned.

"Snake!" Ocelot called from the communicator. "The intel team has spotted multiple threats coming at you! They seem to be too fast to be just zombies, so watch out."

"How long do we have to prepare?" The Boss replied.

"Yeah, about that..." Shalashaska commented. "Remember when I told you to put some personnel into the intel team and you didn't listen?"

Snake was trying to give an excuse for his grave mistake when a volley of bullets hit dangerously close to the two. Snake grabbed and box and his defeated opponent, dragging the two into the relative safety of the car. A quick glance confirmed; it was none other than a Skull unit, approaching dangerously fast and releasing hellfire upon them. Snake grabbed his best rfile and tried to fire some shots back, but there wasn't enough firepower to supress them. Oga got up, dazed but ready to fight.

"I'm going to make them kneel!" He shouted jumping over the car with his most menacing expression. He was met with supressing fire and barely managed to dodge back into cover. "Wait, these guys got guns! It's not fair..."

"Give me a hand." Snake wasn't one to trust someone so quickly, but desperate situations required desperate measures, so he handed the young man a handgun. Oga took only a glance at the weapon before picking it up, aiming at the nearest fast armed zombie and throwing the firearm right at him, knocking him out on the spot.

"Got any more of those?" Snake's face met his palms as he pondered what he should tell Ocelot to put on his grave sign. A rumble on the supply box, however, remembered him of something very important.

"Get me out! Get me out!" An unbelivably squeaky voice shouted from inside the box. The two men openend the box and none other than Ruby Rose got out from it. "Zwei!" The little corgi jumped at her face and greeted her. She then noticed the other people just by her. "Oh, hey, it's the guy with the baby! And you! You're the one who knocked me out!"

"We don't have time for this." Snake pleaded. Another volley of bullets hit the car in front of them, proving his point. "Can you shoot?" The huntress took a quick look around and found her scythe just a few meters from there, near the zombies with guns.

"There it is! Don't worry, I'll take care of them for you." She gleefully announced, jumping over the cover to reach her weapon.

"Wait!" Oga asked. "You'll get..."

Before he could finish the phrase, Ruby had already disappeared into a trail of rose petals, reaching Crescent Rose before any of the Skulls had even noticed her. She grabbed the weapon and proceeded to zip back and forth through the unit at semisonic speeds, ripping out limbs and holes in every slice and shot. The poor zombies didn't stand a chance.

"...Shot." He completed.

"Oh, yeah." The huntress said, spinning her scythe skillfully until it finally dipped into the ground, splitting the head of the last zombie in half. Her moment of coolness, unfortunately, was quickly spoiled by her own enthusiasm: "Oh my god, did you see that? I was _soo_ cool right there! And I did like, swoosh, then slash, and bang!"

"...Can you send her back?" Oga asked Snake.

"Please, don't." Ocelot pleaded on the communicator. "Also, more of them are comming. I took the liberty of putting some people on the intel team for you, so know we have about 15 minutes. Also, our metereologists have made some calculations and discovered that the sun is setting soon."

"Very helpful." Snake noticed, glancing at the sky and then at the watch on his idroid. He stowed back his device and was already stealthily leaving the other two when someone interrupted him:

"Hey!" Ruby shouted. "Come back!" Snake stopped and looked back, wondering what Ocelot did to convince her of joining the Diamond Dogs so quickly. "If we want to live, we have to keep together!"

"Humpf. I don't need any help." The furious Ogre insisted. He kept his cool and awaited for a pleading, but none came. "...But if you need my help, I can't really say no."

"Dah." Baby Beel agreed.

Snake simply grunted and kept on his way, the two youngsters just behind him. He knew very well that, if he wanted to get to the end of that, he most likely would have to go into the more dangerous, radiation-filled area around the reactors. It was certainly not a coincidence that they picked a Soviet experimental nuclear-powered city for these experiments. The small group took a few minutes of walking before they've found what seemed a confortable house to spend the night in. It stood in the middle of a block, two stories tall and had a simple, but cozy front. As soon as they've entered the living room, the Boss noticed a hatch that lead to a shelter-like basement, surely filled with good quality supplies. He informed:

"I'll check the basement for supplies. You two sort the rest out. Call me if there's any trouble." And before the two could protest in any way, Snake was already disappearing of their sights.

"Uh... Sorting the rest out?" Oga asked out loud, rubbing his chin. "Do you know what he was talkign about, Baby Beel?"

"Daah." Beelzebub denied.

"Don't worry, we can do it!" Ruby confirmed. "We just have to think. What do we need to survive?"

"Woof woof!" Zwei suggested.

"That's right!" The huntress agreed. "We need food. Let's check the fridge!"

"Know we're talking." Tatsumi agreed, rubbing his hungry stomatch.

The kitchen's door was just beside the upper floor's stairs, near the lavatory and across the fireplace. It had a much different feel than the rest of the house, with the dining table's chairs flipped over and a couple plates and cups on the floor, shattered. A frying pan was still hanging over the stove, carrying in it sligthly burned eggs. _Someone was forced to leave here,_ both of them thought. They put the chairs back up and searched for food: the good news were that there was plenty of food. The bad news were that none of it was cooked.

"You know how to cook, don't you?" Oga asked Ruby.

"I, uh..." She stuttered. "I'll go lit the fireplace! yeah! Good luck with that." And with that, there were no huntresses left in the kitchen.

The furious Ogre stared into the availible ingredients, hoping they would somehow magically turn into food. _How did mom do it again? She kinda puts all of them and lights the fire, right? It's worth a try!_ He picked out the biggest pan he could find and filled it with potatoes, meat, some oil, entire onions, bell peppers and garlics, a bit of salt and then closed it and put it on the stove and turned it on. Satisfyed with the result, Oga left the kitchen and found Zwei and his owner chilling by the heat of the fireplace.

"Hey, you two!" He called, pointing angrily at the two. "We aren't done yet!" The two got up and stared the floor guiltily. "What else can we do?"

"Um..." Ruby stopped to think for a moment. "I know! We can close all the exits, so the zombies can't get in! There's got to be some planks around here."

"Woof woof!" Zwei insisted.

"That will do." Oga agreed.

A quick search upstairs revealed a baby's room still in construction, with plenty of planks to do their job. Leaving the baby and the dog to place in the fireplace, the duo went to work: they nailed shut every single window, door, hatch and any other entrance a zombie could have possibly entered by. After they were finally satisfyed with the results, they dropped their tools and, because of Ruby's insistence, gave each other a high five. Before they could even sit in peace, however, something was already trying to punch through their defenses.

"Oh no!" Ruby gasped, almost paralyzed in fear. "That noise... It's coming f-from... _The basement!"_

"There is a zombie in our basement?" Oga questioned. The two carefully approached the hatch, which was being shaked drastically but didn't yield. "We should have checked it before choosing here."

"Let me out!" Snake shouted. "What is your problem?"

" _Oh my god!"_ The huntress shouted. "It's a _smart_ zombie!"

"A what?" Tatsumi asked.

"Daa buh dah?" The fuss atracted Baby Beel and Zwei, who came closer as well to see what was going on.

"A smart zombie!" Ruby insisted. "It's ate too many brains, and now it can think and talk! I've read about them. They're super dangerous."

"It's me, Snake!" The Boss insisted. "I just went down here! Let me out!"

"Shut up, zombie!" Oga shouted back. He then asked the zombie specialist: "Do you think it could be that old man with the eyepatch?"

"Well, he says that he is..." Tatsumi was already reaching for the hammer when she added:

"But that's exactly what a smart zombie would say." Overwhelmed by such a complex line of thought, the furious Ogre switched to his blank face, saying without even meaning it:

"I see."

"Hey, might-be-a-zombie guy!" The huntress called him. "Can you prove you're the guy who kidnapped me?" A long, uncorfotable pause followed the question. Snake finally warned:

"You don't want me to do that."

"Well, if you don't prove, you're got getting out of there." Ruby insisted.

"Your panties... They're bright red."

"Eeek!" The huntress became redder than a dusk sun, trying to hide her face anywhere possible. "Just... Let him out."

Not giving a single care for that exchange, Oga picked up the hammer and got rid of the planks, allowing the Boss to crawl out of the hatch. _Well, now that the problem's solved, I can finally... Wait._ For some odd reason, the fireplace's smoke wasn't going out from the chimney as it was supposed to, but instead was quickly piling up from the ceiling down. Quickly after noticing that, an explosion came from the kitchen, large enough to make the floor shine orange for a moment.

"We're under attack!" Snake shouted. For his surprise, however, the two younglings traded a quick glance at each other and the boy casually walked to the kitchen door. He sighed tiredly before saying:

"I guess my pie didn't really work out."

It took them quite a bit of work to clean the kitchen and get rid of the planks in the chimney, but they somehow managed to fix their shelter up. Thankfully, Snake had found some calorie mates in the basement, so despite the lack of cooking ability they ate like kings. All the kids were incredibly tired with their day, leaving the veteran alone in his thoughts after only a few minutes. He lazily put out the fire while wondering with himself how did he end up in such a stranque squadron. _They don't seem to belong here at all. Am I supposed to bring them back to their homes, somehow?_ It wasn't on the job description, but he probably was unable to leave them in that wasteland to die. And, as it turned out, it seemed like not every soldier was fit to join the Diamond Dogs. The Boss laid back on his makeshift bed and decided to push his problems to the next day. _A little silence will do me good, for sure._

"Hey baby, what are you wearing?" The sound made Snake jump out of bed, aghast.

"Huh?" _That voice..._

"Snake?" Ocelot asked back. "Oh shit, wrong line!" The communcation was harshly cut immedeately after.

"Great," Snake whispered under his breath. "I didn't even want to sleep anyway."

\- Chapter End -


	6. Chapter 6: Break their legs!

Chapter 6: Break their legs!

Location: Chernobyl, URSS

December 10th, 10:02 A.M.

"Waaaaah!"

The origin of the shout was Ruby, who was being spun around an 8-shape by a peculiar-looking metal gear while Zwei tried to follow her shadow, barking happily. Several more of those were spreaded through Chernobyl's nuclear park, two of them playing "poke the Snake" near the water reservatories and a last one was trying his best to crush a tiny human and his baby under its legs. All of the bipedal tanks had sustained heavy damage from the fight, but they seemed to move as if it didn't hamper their movement at all, and they all stunk of rotten meat for some strange reason.

"Hey, you two!" Oga protested, still battling against the metal gear for his life. "Stop fooling around and take them out already!"

"Ugh." Was all that Snake could say while he rolled from a light kick from his bullies. Another one followed right after, and then another and yet another, always producing the exact same sound from the sad little soccer ball. "Ugh. Ugh. Ugh..."

"Stooooop!" Ruby pleaded still spinning. "You're gonna make me throw up! Pleaaase!"

But how did our heroes end up in such a dire situation? To answer that, we'll have to go back in time a little...

Location: Chernobyl, URSS

December 10th, 9:18 A.M.

Sunlight shone bright upon the ghost city, but it did little to prevent the bitter cold from chewing on the bones of every living thing inside it. Three of the few remaining alive just happened to be cruising through one of Chernobyl's main avenues, heading directly towards the iconical nuclear silos of the power plant. Apart from a certain huntress' whistling and her dog's occasional bark, the streets seemed awfully quiet, as if the zombie situation had finally been solved. While that idea seemed to alleviate somewhat some of our heroes, one of them in particular seemed annoyed by it.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Tatsumi Oga asked. "If that's all the evil they got, I'll never find a dad for Beel!"

"You're looking for the baby's dad?" Ruby asked. From the story she was told, it seemed pretty obvious that he didn't mind the baby that much. "In here?"

"Daah buh." Beel interjected.

"Not exactly." The furious Ogre replied. "Beel needs someone strong and smart to raise him, and I'm not in the mood to do it. Do you now anyone like that?"

"I don't really think my big sis wants to have a baby right now..." Ruby thought out loud. "Maybe uncle Qrow. But we need to get out of here first!" She added, hitting her palm with the back of her fist to reinforce the statement. "Do you know which way is Vale?"

"Are you really asking me geography?" Oga asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not even sure if this is on Europe or not."

"Boss." Ocelot called on Snake's communicator. "The nuclear plant is just up ahead. Are you sure you want to take these two with you?" The Boss took a good look at the two while they had a little argument about wether the sun came up on the west or in the north. "Maybe you're better off on your own for this."

"I would." He agreed. "But they're just kids who got lost. I need to get them back home."

"I wouldn't expect any less." Miller complimented. "The entrance is just ahead. Be careful, Boss."

"What about the radiation?" Snake asked.

"Oh, that? Turns out the Geigar counter _was_ broken, after all." Ocelot explained. "It's pretty much confirmed that the so-called 'nuclear explosion' that happened there was a cover-up for something much more sinister."

"So we won't have to find Hazmat suits..." Snake noticed. "That's very convenient."

"Hey, guy, watch out!" Ruby pulled a distracted Boss back right before he hit a wall on his way. The nuclear plant's entrance was right in fron of them now, protected by a large wall with barbed wire and empty sentry towers. An impenetrable steel gate prevented their entrance. "Hm... This could be a little bummer."

"Nah, that's easy!" Oga boasted. While Snake stealthily began searching the premises for an entrance, the furious Ogre proudly punched the sky. "We'll just punch a hole in it!"

"Daa buh!" Beel agreed. The dinamic duo put out their fighting stance, rushed to the steel gate and punched with all of their force, shouting:

"Oga punch!"

Sadly, it did little more than giving Tatsumi a red hand. Flustered by the accident, the little demon baby began to cry, showering his foster father in a powerful electirc shock. Ruby couldn't help herself not to laugh of it.

"Pretty good." She mocked. "But how about we work as a team? Maybe we'll do better that way."

"As a team?" Oga asked, rubbing his chin. Baby beel followed him, mumbling a 'dah' whie they thought on the mater. "Hm..."

Meanwhile, after a very careful search Snake managed to find a crack in the concrete wall large enough for him to held onto. He slowly climbed it up, reaching for the top outpost. Once in there he searched the place throughly, using his binoculars, sound cues and scanners to ensure no threat was near. _Should there be someone around here? Did they all leave when they discovered about what I did to their laboratory? It doesn't seem likely..._ After taking the stairs to the ground level, the legend whipped out his pickocketing kit and slowly began to crack the lock that closed the gates.

"Good work, Boss." Ocelot complimented. "Those kids wouldn't be getting anywhere without you, that's for sure."

"Hyaaa!"

The shout came from the other side of the power plant, followed by a tremenduous impact at the steel gate. A sizeable hole showed up in the thick steel, with Ruby's head poking out of it. She seemed a bit dazed by the impact, but mostly ok. The only one more shocked by that than Snake was Oga, who didn't take her word on aura's toughness and was pretty certain he was about to fulfill a crazy girll's dying wish when he trusted her into the door like a battering ram. He said:

"That 'aura' thing is not bad at all." Ruby returned to the floor, cleaned up her dress and answered with a silly smile:

"Still think you're the hard-headed around here?"

"Woof woof!" Zwei warned, straightening up his ears and tail and pointing his nose towards somewhere near the center of the plant.

"What is it, Zwei?" Its owner asked. "Did you hear something?"

"He's right, there is something there." Ocelot informed. "The intel team's report is a little weird, though. All it says is 'run like a little bitch'..."

"Aaaai!" Whatever was the source of it, Baby Beel had also sensed it.

"What is it, Beel?" Oga asked. His expression quickly changed when he saw the answer. "Oh..."

They came in four, sliding through the plant's roads while knocking street signs, lamps and even whole trees out of their base on their way. The things resemlbed a tank, but were much larger, had a true arsenal of deadly weapons and moved around on two immense mechanical legs. But they were more than simple metal gears; there was something eerily _wrong_ with their movement. Their joints seemed old and malfunctioning, producing a strange growl-like sound in each of their movements. Regardless of any mechanical defects that machine could have, four of them was more than enough to spell trouble.

"Run!" Snake warned. "Get cover!"

"Like hell I would." Tatsumi Oga replied angrily. "We finally found a true challenge, and you want us to run like little chickens? A man won't run from a real challenge."

"Daa buh!" Beel agreed. Ruby looked at Snake, who was trying to look for cover but was cut off by the walking tanks, then back into Tatsumi, who who seemed to be having some sort of stare-down with one of them. She finally said:

"Calm down, you two!" Her shout called the attention of her two friends, and the metal gears kindly hang on a minute on their slaughtering to hear what she had to say. "It's situations like these that remind me of a good friend of mine. There's a nice saying of hers that fits very well into this situation." The huntress closed her eyes to remind herself of the exact wording. "It goes something like this." She then opened her eyes wide, pointed towards the monster machines and yelled at the top of her lungs: "Break their legs!"

Ruby immedeately grew crescent rose and disappeared in a puff of rose petals, appearing right in front of the first metal gear. Her schythe's blade made several laps along the metal appendages, slicing open the steel until it all fell from the machine and into the floor, all the while dodging any kicks or bullets fired at her. When the weak spot was all nice and soft, the huntress dashed between the tank's legs, placing her weapon around the knee. Then, after a short moment of hesitation, the gun fired, pushing the blade towards the limb and bending the joint backwards. Without any support, it fell strainght into the floor with a noisy slam.

"Got it!" Ruby announced, turning her back at what she thought to be an obvious upcoming explosion. She pointed her scythe to the other metal gears menacingly, unaware of what was happenning just behind her. "So, who's next! C'mon, I'll break all your legs at once!"

"Hey, Ruby." Oga called the huntress out, popping her bubble. "It's still moving."

"What?" Ruby turned back and barely managed to escape a missle's explosion, landing near Oga and Snake mostly unscathed. "What's wrong with that thing?"

"They must have nanomachines implanted on them too, like all the others." Snake pondered.

"Nano- _what?_ " Oga asked.

"You mean, they're like..." The huntress questioned. "Zombie-tanks?"

"Exactly." Snake commented. "But they can still be taken down. Just follow my instructions and we'll get them in no time."

...And that's how they got there.

"I've seen Furuichi come out with better plans than these." Oga commented between nervous panting, still trying to push back the huge mechanical leg over him. "What are we going to do now, old man?"

"Ugh." Snake answered, still unable to get back up due to consistent kicks. "Ugh. Ugh. Ugh."

"Great, I guess it's just me then." The furious ogre noticed. _Or is it?_ As much as he hated to do it, there weren't any other options, so he shouted: " _Alaindelon!"_ Less than a second later, a demon the size of a cupboard wearing a white shirt with rolled-up sleeves dived right out of the sky towards his friends.

"Oga! I came to help!" The transportation demon shouted back.

Oga harnessed his strenght to push back the metal gear trying to crush him, getting himself a small bit of space. He then rushed at the falling demon and grabbed him still the air, changing his grip to his legs and assuming a sword fighter stance. _If I can't beat them alone... I'll use the power of demons!_ Tatsumi rose the mighty demon sword Alaindelon and swung it towards the walking tank, all the while yeelling at the top of his lungs.

Sadly, it endend up hurting Alaindelon much more than the foe.

"Oooow..." The demonic sword moaned. The impact made him open up and spit out a person from inside him.

The person spit was none other than Hildegarde, a presence so daunting that made all the zombie Metal gears stop right in their tracks with naught but a glare. Finally free, Ruby didn't manage to do much but let out a sickly groan and head to a dark corner to become the 'vomit guy' she once loathed so much. Hilda took a long look at the machines, then at Alaindelon and Oga before asking:

"Is _this_ the reason you called me for? Those pityfull things?"

"Grooowl..." The metal gears commented.

"Who is that?" Ocelot asked on the comm. "Do you think we can get her back to the base as well?"

"You're worhtless." Miller concluded.

"Well, they're like zombies or some shit." Oga explained. "That girl over there bended its leg backwards and it barely noticed.

"Glad you notcied..." Ruby thanked in a very unhealthy tone. A large 'glurp' resonated on her belly, so she returned to the dark corner.

"I don't care if they're half-unicorn." Hilda fumed. "They all die if you split them in half."

Returning her attention to the zombie tanks, the demon maid whipped out her umbrella and unsheathed her sword from it, charging at the closest one without a trace of fear. A single slice from the sword was more than enough to split the thing into two, causing its two halves to fall on each side. Hildegarde was already sheathing her blade back while giving the contractor of her master a disappointed look when the legs of the bipedal machine twitched back to life.

"Why doesn't this thing give up?" She asked.

"Because it's a zombie, I told you!" Oga insisted. "You can cut it all day long, unless we blow its legs off or something it isn't going to stop."

"Impossible." The demon maid couldn't accept that principle since there was no such thing in the underworld. "If you stab something enough times, it will die. It's just a reality of life."

"Well then, go on!" Oga insisted, losing his patience. "Keep poking it. But can you first explain what's going on?"

"Why do you assume that I do?" She complained, leaping to the fallen metal gear to poke it with her sword. As much as the machine twitched and twisted with each slash and poke, it refused to stay dead. "You seem to have done something to Alaindelon, since he's now able to travel in time along with space now. This is 1986 right now."

"Oh, so that's why the old man dresses like he's going to the vietnam war?" Oga asked.

"...You can't possibly be this stupid." Snake commented.

"Hang on a second..." Ruby was finally finished with her motion sickness and seemed a bit better. "Does it mean that, to get us back to our homes, all we need to do is use the robot?"

Every single eye turned to were Alaindelon had fallen, but he wasn't there. He was at the hands of a very sneaky metal gear, which had managed to snatch him while they argued and was already getting out of sight. When our heroes tried to follow it, however, the two remaining tanks jumped in front of them, threatening the protagonists with the odd machine zombie noises they produced. Unluckily for them, all three of his foes had had enough of their undying crap.

"Get out of the way." Oga ordered. His and Beel's eyes shone bright red, Ruby had her gun at the ready on his right and Snake drew the rocket launcher on the other. "Right. _Now._ " It only replied with another growl, so the furious Ogre smashed his hands together and added: "Fine then. Just don't go growling back to your tank mother when stick those legs up your ass."

"Um... Oga?" Ruby interrupted.

"Yes."

"I don't think it has an ass."

"I know, I know!" He agrily replied. "I just wanted to end it with a cool phrase." Before anyone could ask what 'it' could possibly be, Beel saved the day with the perfect one-liner:

"Daaaah... Buh."

\- Chapter end -


	7. Chapter 7: Combat Ready!

Chapter 7: Combat ready!

Location: Chernobyl, URSS

December 10th, 10:43 A.M.

After an extremely one-sided battle that wouldn't be worth describing, our heroes finally stood victorious over the mangled corpses of two zombie metal gears, scoping ahead for the path to take. The road ahead ended more or less abruptly over a large park, with a large administration building just behind it. The only one who wasn't currently discussing their next step was Hilda, who was still busy poking their oponents in hopes they stopped moving and twitching. They did not.

"I can't comprehend..." Hildegarde complained, finally sheathing her sword back in awe. "It absolutely refuses to die."

"Will you forget about it?" Oga begged. "We're trying to save our asses here! You could lend us a hand."

"Well, it is Alaindelon we are talking about." Was the demon maid's answer. "Let's go after him, then." She simply cruised through them and charged at the park, the thought of 'teamwork' naught but a distant echo in her mind.

"But... Our stealth..." Snake mumbled, extending his hand to try and grab the hope that wasn't there. Ruby patted him in the shoulder, saying:

"It's alright, Snake. You had a pretty good plan, I'm sure we'll use it some day." Her expression changed drastically as she noticed the woman in the maid dress was already gaining quite a bit of a lead on her: "But right now, we gotta go! Come, Zwei!" The huntress grabbed her dog and dashed towards the park, reaching such a speed that the red cape enveloped her and turned the girl into a human missle.

"Aiiii!" Beel shouted. He seemed very excited with the idea for himself.

"He's over there, isn't he?" Oga asked Beel, who replied with an impatient nod. "The one who' strong enough to adopt you. Well, what are we waiting? Let's go!" The foster father/baby duo ran at a slightly more believable rate, but still at least twice as fast as Snake could ever manage to do.

"Boss, even if you reach them I'm not sure you'll be of any use." Ocelot noticed.

"Not if I can help it." Snake relpied. "Notify the support team; I'm going to need some supplies."

"But you can do it on your iDroid..." Shalashaska reminded him.

"It's not like you're doing anything." The Boss replied in an attempt to hide the fact that he just hoped to look cool. "I need to hurry."

"Fine, I'll do it..."

Not far from there, Ruby was the first one to reach the park in front of the building, followed shortly after by a very annoyed 2nd place Hilda and then by a breathless Oga. The group stopped immedeately on their tracks upon noticing Alaidelon, who was tied up in a net and happy to see some saviors. The metal gear which took him there was nowhere to be seen, but he had been replaced by three very unique figures sitting atop the building's roof. From their pose and expression alone, it was clear they a 'pretty please' wouldn't be enough to get their transporter demon back.

The one on the left was a 20-something woman with voluptuous black hair, golden eyes and a devilish smile. She wore a skintight sneaking suit with a small mask over the eyes and wielded a very unique black bow. Ruby took but one second to recognize her:

"You!" She exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger towards her. "You're the mysterious lady who snuck up on us during the party!

"Yes, that is me." Was her response. "And I believe it is about time I show you my true identity..." With a dramatic move and an evil, insinuating laughter she took out the mask, revealing to be none other than Cinder. The huntress didn't respond very well to it:

"Cinder... What are you doing here?" There was something wrong in Ruby's expression, a heavy hint of innoccence. "You just missed the evil lady, I think she's up to something. Did you see where she went?"

"Are you kidding?" The woman questioned, putting the mask back on. " _I'm right here!_ "

"It's you again!" The huntress shouted, somehow even more surprised. "Where's Cinder? What did you do to her? She did nothing wrong!" Completely incapable of even, Cinder settled for burying her head in her hands.

The man to the right was just a malfunctioning hair growth medicine away from becoming a grizzly bear, with bright orange hair pulled backwards, a yellow t-shirt with blue jeans and the grin only those who truly loved to fight would understand. He was unmeasurably thrilled to find his lifelong rival in such an unlikely place.

"Tojo!" Oga recognized, followed shrortly after by Beel. "Why did you become an evil henchman?"

"What can I say? They pay very well for the hour." Tojo explained.

The man in the center, and the one holding Alaindelon, was completely unkown to our three heroes. Seeming like he had just escaped a madhouse because someone mentioned trimming his hair, the man had long, oily black hair, a hobo beard and a true man-forest growing out from his chest. He wore a pretty boss black long coat and several belts filled with all types of knives imaginable.

"Well, hello there." The man said. He picked up one of his many knives and, after bringing it just under his nose for a sniff, whipped out his tongue to uncorftably lick around the blade. The gesture quickly drew attention from our heroes. "My name... Is Vamp." He spoke slowly and poorly, due to his necessity to lick the deadly weapon every 3 seconds. "And I am here to send you all to hell."

"Finally, someone that makes sense." Hilda noticed. "Can you drop us near the king of evil's lair? I have to get some groceries for his son."

"Daah buh!" Beelzebub confirmed, pointing at himself.

"You came from hell?" Vamp asked, aghast. "Well then, what am I supposed to threaten you with?"

"Keep on licking that knife?" Oga suggested.

"I'll just have to make this plane a place even worth than hell." The weird man confirmed. "But that's for after my job here is done. For now, I leave you to my friends. My many, many friends... Hahahahaha!"

After the maniacal laugh, Vamp turned his back to our heroes and began running away from them, heading towards the back of the building. Following his cue, a horde of zombies popped from every single entrance availible, every manhole, door, window and even the gutters. These zombies were not the type to play kindly and immedeately charged our heroes, immersing them in utter chaos. Hilda was the only one who managed to escape the confusion, using the undead's heads to jump all the way to the top of the office where the strange man who promised to send them back to hell was. Despite his superhuman speed, she would have been able to reach him if it weren't from two immense legs showing up in her way.

"What... From where?" She mumbled.

The obstruction in her way shared some similarities with the walking machines from before, but it was much larger, stood erect on its two legs, had two arms to assist it in smashing things and had a much more intimidating design, made with dark blue metal plates and with a bright red light shining from where its head was supposed to be.

"These things can be quite tricky if you're paying attention, my dear." Vamp explained. "Let me present you my friend, the Sahalin... No, Saladtrops... No, hang on." The man took a minute to try and remeber the Sahelanthropus' name, but to no avail. "Oh, I don't care about its name. Just know it's going to beat the soul out of you." That declaration made the Sahelanthropus turn its head back to his master. The light in its head had turned blue. "Alright, alright, your name matters! Just squish the woman over there and we'll get you a nice treat when you get back." The thing's lights turned red again as it nodded happily, turning its head back to the prey. "Well then, you two have fun. Vamp signing out."

"Come on, you oversized toy." Hilda boasted. "I face bigger monsters than you on my way to get milk."

While all hell broke loose, Vamp escaped the office building and kept running, heading for the control room near the end of the facility, the magical transportation demon still on his back. The mission he was sent to do there had pretty much failed after their zombies failed miserably to pose any threat, but that thing he was carrying changed everything. _When Skullface hears about my plan, he'll see the potential in me! I might even show up in the game..._

After the false radiation alarm was set off to get the population of the city, the Skull unit turned the power plant's control center into a highly advanced technological laboratory. The computers inside had been torn open to form multiple contraptions and machineries that served generically evil science purproses; one of them had to work the way he wanted to. After entering the lab, Alaindelon pleaded one more time:

"Please, let me go! I must return to master Furuichi... He must be missing me so much!"

"It's no use." Vamp assured. "No matter how hard he tries, you master will not save you from what's coming..."

Location: Furuichi's bedroom, Japan

July 9th, 2011

 _Hm..._ Furuichi sat alone in his room, enjoying himself some Gohan-kun manga. _Things seem so quiet around here._ Not only he hadn't seen Oga or his demonic baby for more than a day, but Alaindelon hadn't bothered him for about the same time, too. _Could they be in trouble?_ As if it was powered by his thoughts, one of the pages in his manga tore up slightly. _Nah... Like anything could ever happen to Oga while I'm not around._

Location: Chernobyl's Power plant, USSR

December 10th, 1986

It didn't take long until Oga and Ruby noticed that these zombies were no simple threat; not only they immedeately separated the two from each other with careful flanks and calculated charges, but they were significantly faster, tougher, better at adapting and pretty decent at checkers as well. With Hilda too busy dealing with little floating marshmellows that followed her around with red lasers and exploded, our heroes were being brought to their very limits on that soviet plaza when the true villains finally showed up.

"This isn't looking very good..." Ruby said, loading another cartidge into her Crescent Rose. Thankfully, animation limitations made it so that bullets never really were spent in the reloading of cartidges, but not even all the ammunition in the world seemed enough to take all the monsters down. _And now there's this guy... Or is he a shaved bear?I'm not sure._ "Um... Hi."

"Hey." Tojo replied. He didn't seem particularly interested at the huntress. "Did you see a dude with a baby around here? I want to fight him."

"Well, I think he's pretty busy with the zombies and all." She explained. _The zombies seem afraid to approach him... If I beat this guy, I bet they'll disperse._ "But how about me?"

"Nah." The monster of a man dismissed with a tired wave. "He's the only one that _gets_ me. A real monster who can fight on my level, not a harmless little girl like you. Have fun with the dirty hobos, I'll go after him myself."

Tojo had failed to notice that the putrid corpses were actually undead despite Vamp's best attempts to explain it to him in the job description, instead taking the expression 'actually dead' as being referred to their academic futures or something like that. He also failed to notice that calling the huntress a 'harmless little girl' actually had triggered her a little bit. Before he knew what was happening, a shot from Crescent Rose exploded in his back, almost knocking out from his feet. In less than a second later the scythe's blade was already reaching out for him, and even all the speed of the TKKH's strongest was barely enough to dodge that attack. Another one followed right after, forcing a sloppy dodge that left him right in front of the weapon, were another shot forced him back a few steps.

"Sorry," Ruby apologized, spinning her weapon twice around herself. "You were saying?"

Not far from there, Oga was beginning to reach his limits against the zombie horde. Throwing out Oga punch after Oga punch, the zombies did fly away, but they simply returned not too much later. Beel was feeling the pressure as well, but didn't seem willing yet to share all of his strenght with his caretaker. The reason for that had been lurking in the shadows until just then.

"Hm... What a shame." Cinder commented, slowly walking towards Tatsumi. "I thought you would actually put up a fight before going down, but that's not the case." He tried to charge her, but a couple of zombies blocked his way. Seeming to relish in his suffering, the woman slowly drew out her bow and aimed somewhere else; the target was Ruby, who was too busy fighting Tojo to notice the huge target over her head. "It'll all be over soon..."

Cinder had to forfeit the shot, however, when a massive burst of flames missed her by less than an inch. The source of it were Oga and Beel, who had finally found their worthy opponent. The furious Ogre had the zebub mark fully developed around him, while the baby had finally awoken his full power and had his eyes shine bright red.

"That's the one, right Beel?" Tatsumi asked. Beelzebub nodded decidedly. "Great. Cinder, right?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to be this baby's mother!" Oga exclaimed, pointing towards the baby.

"Oh, my..." Cinder hid a light chuckle with one hand. "Getting all excited for seeing a real woman in this wasteland, are you? I'm sorry darling, but I'm working right now. Working on getting _you_ dead." The bow changed its direction to Oga and fired a deadly arrow. It stopped just before hitting his forehead, grabbed mid-air by the furious Ogre's fist.

"I didn't come all the way to this shithole to get rejected that easily." Was Tatsumi's reply, still oblivious to the second meaning in his words. "You'll be his mother, even if I have to make you take it." Cinder's eyes widened for a moment in shock for his words before tightening up again, this time with a furious glare in them. _That's it,_ she decided. _I'm killing this little shit._

Location: Diamond Dogs military base, Seychelles

11:10 A.M.

"Well, I guess that's the last one."

Ocelot wiped out a sweaty brow after finishing the last knot on the monstrosity he built out of several supply boxes and fultons. The thing seemed like it could barely lift off, much less reach Chernobyl, but if the Diamon Dogs had one rule, it was 'do not question the Fulton'. Kazuhira Miller watched from the sidelines, eager but uncabable of giving his buddy a hand. Or a leg, for the matter.

"What could he possibly do with all that crap?" Miller asked. "It's mostly junk."

"Hey, he's the one on the field, not me." Ocelot responded. "Whatever he's going to cook up, I'm sure it'll be the stuff of legends."

\- End of Chapter -


	8. Final Chapter: Fission Mailed

Final chapter: Fission Mailed.

Location: Chernobyl, URSS

December 10th, 11:23 A.M.

The ultimate clash between evil and just-trying-to-get-home had left Chernobyl's power plant looking like the result of a world war, with some collapsed buildings, burning vehicles and piles upon piles of mangled corpses. Only six pairs of legs were left standing upon the chaos, without a shadow of doubt true legends of the battlefield. Well, five pairs and a spare one. Hilda had already cut one of the Sahelanthropus' legs, forcing it to stand on one of its legs whilist supporting itself on a building.

"Will you give up already?" Hilda asked. She was answered by a short burst of bullets, which her blade deflected easily. "What are you fighting for, anyway? Nobody loves you!"

The upright Metal Gear howled in response and hurled itself at its oponent, shooting missles and bullets in a last ditch attempt at proving its self-worth. The demonic maid sadly wasn't born with the ability to care for pathetic beings, however, and simply leaped at it and slashed forward. The sword made a sqeuaky-clean cut through the machine, causing each of its sides to fall apart and leave her unharmed. Unlike the other, zombie-like creatures, the Sahelanthropus did stop moving after a while.

Combat results:

TIME: 0: 01: 34.03

BP: 12

ZANDATSU: 1

LONGEST COMBO: 3

KILLS: 1

COMBAT RANK: B

"What rank, did you say?"

COMBAT RANK: S

After solving the little score issue, Hilda spared a glance at the other two fighters on her side. Tojo was (incorrectly) writing the kanji of his name through a building using Ruby's head as a giant and brutal paint brush, while Cinder had pinned Oga down to a wall with several arrows and now teased him about which part of his body she should pincushion first with devilishly close shots. Baby Beel cheered from the side, forgetting for a moment that the battle was very real and very dangerous. _Well, the master seems fine._ Happy to see all going well, she returned her attention to the path the man who kidnapped Alaindelon had taken and went after his tracks

"Stoooooop!" Ruby pleaded as she was dragged through the concrete. "My aura is running low!"

"Hang on a little more!" Tojo asked back. "I'm almost finished!"

As much as Ruby didn't want to upset the man-bear who was clrearly trying to kill her, the huntress couldn't risk taking any longer to get back home, or having her aura depleted so much. She awaited for the perfect chance between two strokes to spin herself out of the one grabbing her leg, reaching for Crescent Rose before he could have a reaction. A quick glance into the wall at her side revealed that the man was in much need for some calligraphy classes _._

"Alright, it was great having fun with you." Ruby said. "But now I really have to wrap this up. Are you ready?"

"Huh?"

The huntress used a boost from her weapon to leap forwards, swinging forward with the blunt side of Crescent rose at her foe. He defended with both arms crossed, but another shot from the weapon caused it to spin vertically around her arms, hitting the bear-man from under his cover and on his chin. Ruby then smashed her weapon into the ground and spun around it, hitting her foe with both her feet. Tojo only bounced once on the ground before his opponent catched up to him, slamming him into the ground with a powerful swing followed by several point blank shots. A final swing hurled the man into a building, where he got himself stuck halfway through.

"Wow!" Ruby exclaimed. "Did you see how cool I just was?"

"It was pretty cool, alright." Tojo's muffled voice replied from behind the wall.

"Aaaargh! Stop teasing and to it already!"

The one screaming was Oga, who had just gained a long scratch along his jaw when an arrow purposedly missed for the Nth time. Worse even, the woman in the mask seemed to get off of his suffering, like she was getting revenge for degrading her on the last chapter or something crazy like that. She was ready to fire another arrow when Beelzebub, who had finally caught up to what was happening, jumped on the attacker's leg to try and stop her.

"Daah buh!" He ordered.

"Beel..." Tatsumi was simultaneously proud and worried that his baby was standing up for his foster father, but those feelings were quickly wiped away when Cinder responded with a sharp kick on the baby. Beel cried, but without an ensuing eletric shock. There wasn't a single spec of remorse in her face when she remarked:

"Useless baby. Get out of the way before I kill you too." She was taken by surprise however, when she heard the voice of the man she was beating upon resounding over the whole power plant:

 _"You..."_

"Huh?"

 _"I thought you were evil, but turns out you're just scum."_ Oga crumbled the wall stopping him with a sligh shrug of the shoulders. A dark red aura surrounded him, strong enough to make Cinder flinch. _"Beel and I have a special tratement for scum."_

Trying not to seem scared by the demon in fron of her, the masked woman separated her bow into two blades and prepared to charge forward, but it was futile; Tatsumi was already right in front of her, his hand pressed against her forehead before she could even look up. A massive push smashed her against the floor and, before any answer could be even thought about, a massive stream of flames hit the small crater she formed, rising up a pillar of flames several feet high. To ensure that the scum wouldn't be a problem anymore, he recovered her weapon from the debris and threw it away. Hilda showed not long after, explaining:

"I heard my master screaming. Who did this?"

"Don't worry, it's been taken care of." Beel was back on his father's shoulder, agreeing joyfully:

"Daah."

"Hey guys!" Ruby greeted, showing up shortly after and followed closely by Zwei. "Good to see everyone's safe."

"Enough with the emotional reunion." Hilda ordered. "Let's get Alaindelon back."

"You want him? Here you go!"

The voice was undoubtely the same knife-o-philiac from before. The next thing they noticed was Alaindelon being thrown in front of them, seeming tired but mostly unharmed. Vamp showed up once again in front of them, alone at first glance. It was easy to notice, however, that he had something planned just by the smug look in his face.

"If you were going to give Alaindelon back anyway, why did you take him from us for?" Oga questioned.

"You see, I needed the demon to execute my evil plan." Was Vamp's answer. "Now, let me tell you about ir..." He stopped when he noticed Ruby was terribly distracted by a passing butterfly and Tatsumi and Beel were already sleeping. " _Hey!_ I need your attention!"

"Sorry, sorry! I'll pay attention now." The huntress apologized, giving him her full attention until Zwei notcied a particularly shiny caterpillar. "Ooh, pretty..."

"Zzzzzz..."

" _Enough!_ " Vamp fumed. "If you won't hear about it the nice way, I'll have you hear about it the zombie way!"

The two were broken from their distractions when they noticed the opponents they had just defeated slowly getting back up, as well as all the zombies they had supposedly defeated. Tojo still had a patch of building stuck in his waist and Cinder was still searching for her weapons, but they weren't the largest threat anyore; coming from behind vamp showed up a true army composed of the most vile and deadly foes there could be; it included Geckos, Chipher, the Cobra unit, white fang goons, Grimm, robotic soldiers from Atlas, Yopples and even students from both the Akumano academy and Teimõ Tech.

"Hey, Beel." Oga whispered. "The Akumano demons aren't at least two seasons ahead of the time I got picked off at?"

"Daah?" He asked back.

"Good point." Tatsumi agreed. He then turned his attention towards Vamp and his massive army. "I don't care how big is your little logic-defying army there, we won't back down! I even bet Hilda over here can take them all down by herself." The furious ogre took a quick glance at Hilda and noticed something wrong. "Hilda?"

"What?" Hilda had already opened up Alaindelon and was halfway inside it. Ruby was amazed at the advanced technology her new friends had, trying to touch Alaindelon to see where his skin ended and the interdimensional portal opened up. "Oh, you thought I was actually going to help you out. I was just here to get Alaindelon back. You two have fun in here." The transportation demon closed abruptly and left the scene in a jiffy, yelling:

"Transport!"

"Aw!" Ruby protested at her finger, which received a minor cut in the abrupt movement of Alaindelon and now bled slightly. She put the little wounded finger in her mouth to suck the blood out, but took it out when realization came: "My aura... This is bad."

"Hmpf." Oga complained silently, raising his fists to prepare himself for the war to come.

"Good, it seems like I have your attention now." Vamp noticed with a sick grin. "Like you said, the army behind me is completely lost in time – some come from the past, but most of them come from the future. That's all thanks to your little transportation friend, you see. This place was originally seized by the Skulls to experiment the effects of radiation on nanomachines, a project that worked very well, as you can see." He pointed towards Tojo, Cinder and the zombies, which seemed to be as good as they were before their fights. "But it turns out radiation can do even more than that, when you combine it with that 'power from hell' you brought to us. It was ridiculously easy for our scientists to discover the secret in his transportation system and power it up with Uraniun, creating a true reality displacing machine."

"Hey, um, guy..." Ruby tried to warn.

"Questions _after_ the lecture, please." Vamp replied, oblivious to the threat approaching him. "Now, as I was saying, I programmed this machine to track you down from your origins and bring forth the most vile and deadly scum from your very homes to bring you down, and then conquer the patriots by force!"

"Patriots?" Oga asked.

"It's an information and money thingy." The cheap dracula knockoff explained briefly. "You can trade that with 'take over the world', if you want. It doesn't matter that much for you, because you will all die right now."

"We'll stop you!" The huntress promised.

"Hah! It's too late now, you fools! Your mission has failed." Our heroes prepared themselved for battle, but being exhausted as they were and facing such a formidable army, even the overly optimistic Ruby seemed intimidated by their odds. "Army, a..." He stopped his command when something bumped into his leg. "...A box?"

"It's show time."

Following his catchphrase, Punished Snake jumped our from the box, whipped out a siringe and hit it directly in Vamp's chest, knocking him off guard. He immedeately grabbed from his pockets a trigger and pressed the button, dramatically looking into the distance. Obviously, nothing happened.

"Huh?" Even Vamp was unsure how to react to what happened. He took out the siringe from his chest and simply stared at his mortal enemy. "What was _that_ supposed to do?"

"Hang on a second." Snake pressed the button again, but nothing happened. It was only on the third time that it finally worked.

And oh boy, did it work.

The first result from the trigger was a loud, acute song that oscilated at a rapid pace emanating from every remaining wall of the complex. The sound seemed to pierce through every single one of the modifyed creatures, even Vamp, forcing them to helplessly fall to their knees and cover their ears in desperation. Next, timed explosions destroyed what was left from their research and lab, nullifying any hope to bring further monstrosities to their time. Lastly, a massive firework show followed up, forming colorful shapes of dogs and boxes that stood out even in the sunlight.

"Noooo!" Vamp shouted between long groans of pain. "You idiot! How could you do that!"

"Oh, don't be such a sore loser." Ruby insisted. "He even did the fireworks thing! How can you not like that?"

"That's not the problem..." The villain tried to explain. "The lab... Was the only thing that could take you home."

"Daah buh?"

"Woof?"

"Whaat!?" Ruby and Oga asked in unison. They then turned their attention back to Snake. "How could you do that to us?"

"This is Snake, requesting a fulton extraction." For some reason, Snake was now wearing a set of sunglasses. "Until next time."

Unceremoniously flipping gravity the metaphorical finger, the Boss took a Fulton out of his pocket and slapped it on himself, balooning himself away from Chernobyl once and for all with the certainty of another job well done.

Heroism [+69]

Ruby, Oga and limited company now found themselves in the middle of a suffering army, wasting their precious moments of peace until the disabling equipment Snake made from the nanomachine factory's spare parts ran out trying to get over everything that just had happened to them. Ruby was the first one to snap out of it, saying:

"C'mon, Oga! We can't just stand still like this." She took him by the hand and kept heading forward towards the army.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"I don't know about that science stuff that Vamp dude was talking about, but we need to check if the box guy really did blow up everything right. If there's anything left, maybe we can still go home..."

"That's actually a decent plan." Oga complimented. "C'mon baby Beel, let's head to the lab!"

"Daabuh dah!"

After a short burst of speed, our heroes reached the lab; hidden just behind a pile of sleeping scientists, the explosions did make quite a bit of damage to it, but the systems still somehow remained operational after that, the installations there being so sturdy they might as well have been built to survive a nuclear blast. The core was a blue pillar of light, which was flickering randomly by the damage caused. Ruby immedeately jumped at the screen and started typing furiously.

"Wait, you know how to use this thing?" Tatsumi questioned.

"Hell no! But I need to check my e-mails first." She explained.

"Well then, you better hurry. I'm pretty sure that army coming after us isn't prone for a 5-minute coffee break."

"Get them!" Shouted Vamp from atop a gecko. The army formed a massive wave of dust in their wake, resembling more a Mad Max vehicle gang than a zombie horde at that point. "Get them before they escape!"

"So much spam..." Meanwhile, Ruby calmly deleted some spam. "Hey, look! Another edition of the 'playgun'! They said they would feature Ruyi and Jigu Bag without their casings in this edition! I gotta take a peek..."

"Just go on with it already!"

Desperate to get out of the situation, Oga recurred to his deepest instintcs and looked for the biggest, brightest red button, slamming it as hard as he could. The screen overflowed with 'warning: overload' signs and the core switched from flickering to shining brighter and brighter by the second. When the army finally reached our heroes, the light was already to bright to see anything.

When the flash finally ended, there were no signs of anyone left in Chernobyl.

Location: Mountain Glenn, kingdom of Vale

December 9th, XXXX – 3:10 AM

"Ugh!" When Ruby took a hold of herself she was laying on a hard, cold concrete floor. She got back on her feet to take a look around and found the underground ruins of a city just ahead of her, just after a large cliff several feet deep. _Am I back at Mountain Glenn?_ Before she could do anything about it, however, a bright light hit her and two white fang soldiers showed from from a door, yelling:

"Freeze!"

"Where did she come from?" The huntress took a step back, trying to get herself some space, but she was already dangling at the ledge of the cliff. "You're a long way from home, little girl."

Quickly being surrounded and without any chance of escaping from the ledge, Ruby had no choice but to reach out for Crescent Rose; sadly, neither zwei nor her weapon were there to be seen. _Oh darn._ One of the white fang thugs reached out for her arm and grabbed it to prevent her escape.

"Hey!"She shouted, getting rid of his hands. "Hands off!" Enfuriated by the whole situation, the huntress could only ask herself: _Alright, Ruby. What would Oga do in this situation?_ Gathering all her inner strenght, Ruby readied her figthing stance and, whilist letting out a fierce war cry, hit the man with the most powerful Oga punch she could muster. Like a magickarp using splash, it had no effect. As she was being knocked out cold, she could only think to herself:

 _Welp, at least I'm back home... Right?_

Location: Diamond Dogs off-shore base, Seychelles

December 10th, 1986 – 8:34 P.M.

After pulling off one the greatest escapes in his life, Punished Snake finally arrived at the Diamond Dogs base. After such a sucessful mission, he expected a warm welcome from his thrustworthy soldiers lined up in front of him to salute him. When the helicopter that picked him up began its descent, however, he noticed something was very wrong: fire was wreacking havoc on several points of the mother base, explosions had turned the medical bay to shreds and the research and developtment base had tilted so harshly the better part of it was underwater. Most of the soldiers were busy trying to fix all the damage caused, but Ocelot was still there to receive him.

"What happened?" Snake asked while getting out of Pequod, the helicopter.

"You left the online mode on, Boss." Shalashaska mentioned. "Why would you even do such a thing?"

"Oh, yeah... I forgot."

"But you shouldn't worry, Boss. With all the GMP we got from your last mission we should be able build it all back and then some."

"Who was it?" The Boss questioned. "The contractor."

"Well..." Ocelot took a look down at the clipboard in his hands. "Apparently, it's some kind of organization related to the british Royal Air Force... I wonder what they wanted with all that. But who cares? It's easy money. But you should get some rest now, Boss. Your next mission is probably going to be even tougher than this one." Snake took a quick turn into the fridge-shaped bathroom just beside him and took a 4-second-bath. "Good to see you're rested, Boss. Hop on the Pequod and let's go..." On Ocelot's mission list, he noticed another mission from the same client, this one offering even more GMP than the last one. _Hm... Maybe a little later._

Location: Oga's bedroom, Japan

July 10th, 2011 – 11:00 AM

When Oga finally took control over his sight again he was back at his bedroom, Beel at his shoulder and Hilda casually sitting at his bed as if she was already expecting their arrival. 2 Days had passed since his disappearance, but no one seemed to have missed the furious ogre at all. Or at least that's what seemed to be the case, until Alaindelon showed up from his door, tears in his eyes:

"Oh, Oga-san! It's so nice to see you again!" The transportation demon opened himself up in half, dropping a semi-confused Furuichi on the floor. "Thank you so much for trying to save me!"

"Ugh..." Furuichi grunted, then looked up to Oga "I just commented with Alaindelon I should check up if you weren't doing anything behind my back, and the guy over here immedeately sucked me in." He took a good look at his friend, suspiscious, then asked: "You _didn't_ do anything while I wasn't here, right? No shenanigans or weird adventures?" Tatsumi and Hilda exchanged a quick glance at each other before replying in unison:

"Nothing at all."

"Daah buh dah." Beel agreed.

"But if nothing happened..." Furuichi commented. "Then why is Tojo Hidetora from the TKKH stuck at the wall?" Indeed, he was. Thankfully, it was his upper end that showed up to them. Tojo tried to explain:

"Uh, I... I'm getting paid for it."

"Oh." Furuichi noticed. After his mission of checking up on his friends was done, he headed for the door. "Well then, I'll see you later."

"I guess our mission to find someone strong failed..." Oga noticed. "But at least we did what Beel's father asked for, right?"

"You did a good job, I'll give you that." Hilda had turned on her 'sweet' switch, and had her attention on her master. "Just look at the master. He is so happy!"

"Daaaah... Buh!"

Location: Serak power plant, Afghanistan.

Decembeth 10th, 1986 – 9:02 P.M.

"I'm sorry, my master... I did the best I could, but they were too crafty!"

The one pleading was Vamp, who was on his knees and facing the back of a sinister figure in an overcoat and a stylish hat. They were at a secret millitary base inside the Serak power plant, which used to house the Sahelanthropus before they lost it at the base. Now, they were trying their best to build another one before Snake found out about the base. The figure turned around, revealing its Skullface under a small bandit's mask. He said:

"I don't care for excuses. I gave you one chance, and you failed me. You know the punishment for that." Vamp's pace went pale from the threat.

"No, please, don't... Give me one more chance!"

"Men, take him back to where he belongs."

" _No! I beg you!"_ Vamp shouted as he was dragged out of the scene by soviet soldiers. "I can't go back to PS2 graphics! My glorious hair..." As his whines slowly faded out in the distance, Skullface searched for something in the pockets of his overcoat. It was a picture of his father, the legendary threat of the Cold war, known only as 'The Bonus'. His face was somehow even more daunting than that of his son, being composed exlusively by an oversized nose.

"I'm sorry, father." The Bonus' son mumbled to himself. "I failed in solving the situation in your way. I have no option now but to solve the D-Dogs issue my way... Overcomplicated Bond villain plots." Skullface let the Bonus' picture fall as he laughed maniacally for no reason at all. "Muahahahahaha...!"

\- Chapter end -

Author's note:

It's finally complete! I might not have been exactly perfect on my chatper-a-week policy, but at least I managed to finish this in a reasonable time span. For that, I'd like to thank anyone who took the time to follow, favorite or review my work; you're the ones that kept me going with this trainwreck of a story. To express my gratitude on that, I plan on posting a bonus chapter sometime in the future, explaining how Cinder and Tojo ended up as Vamp's thugs.

Additionally, if you want more of me, you can check out my ongoing story Black Veil Chronicles, a slightly more serious EU take on some of Katekyo Hitman Reborn's most forgotten characters, and the 'prequel' of sorts for this story from which the Bonus comes from, Operation Leaf Eater. Thanks for reading and until next time!


End file.
